April 21, 2011
The end is nigh
Well, it has been a pleasure being your funnies editor for a solid three semesters. I hope in my time...
Jacob Landis-Eigsti
Latest from Jacob Landis-Eigsti
April 14, 2011
The trouble I have with acronyms (TTIHWA)
People these days throw all types of acronyms at us all the time, they assume that everyone knows what they...
March 23, 2011
Giving the best speech in the universe
In honor of the C. Henry Smith Peace Oratorical Contest, I thought I’d give you a few of my own...
March 17, 2011
Night of the Evil Pillows
So, I decided for today’s paper I ought to share with you a true story that happened to me last...
March 10, 2011
The Internet is destroying me!
I have a very busy semester going on. I know you do not want to hear me complain about the...
February 17, 2011
Constructive criticism conundrum
I think almost all of us have needed to peer review another student’s paper. Sometimes however, there is just not...
February 10, 2011
But what to do on a Valentines Day?
Alright, after the wisdom from last week, I am sure you are all in an awesome relationship by now. Valentines...
February 5, 2011
Romantic comedies can teach us everything we will ever need to know about love
Valentines day is only 12 days away, so time is running out to express how you feel about some one. ...
February 5, 2011
How to write a paper like a college student
There’s lots of advice about being a productive student. Most of it seems pretty unrealistic. While bits of advice like...
February 5, 2011
Top 10 Ways to Survive a Goshen Winter
10. Only take classes that are close to your living area. 9. Carry around pictures of the sun. 8. Watch...
January 20, 2011
2011: I resolve that this year will be awesome
January is a time of reflection and insanely cold temperatures. It is time to think about the new year of...
December 2, 2010
Stinson continued from page 1A
…DARY!!! It’s going to be legendary! I’ve got the entire thing booked. There’s going to be polar bears, a chocolate...
December 2, 2010
The Plague 2.0 – Bieber Fever
I am sure that many of you are aware that The Great Plague of 2010 has come and gone. However,...
November 17, 2010
Harry Potter and the Curse of the Strange Plot Holes
With the seventh Harry Potter movie coming, I decided it is time to point out a few of the plot...
November 10, 2010
A letter of urgent response from Harry Potter
Dear Daniel H. Penner, I understand where you are coming from, but I must strongly urge you to reconsider. If...
November 3, 2010
Top 10 signs your roommate might be a vampire
10. They sleep often during the day (they may try and fool you by saying they’re “napping”) 9. There is...
October 27, 2010
Horoscopes for October
Aries: Mar 21-Apr 19: You will rediscover your love for that wonderful childhood game Hungry Hungry Hippos. Taurus Apr 20-May...
October 27, 2010
How I became the official GC horoscope master
Discovering the fates of the stars is no easy task. You might be asking, “but wait, don’t you just randomly...
October 14, 2010
Learning to cope with being forced to have a roommate
I am sure for many of you the idea of having to live with a roommate is nausea inducing. Luckily...
October 6, 2010
Top 10 worst first-date movies
Top 10 Worst First Date Movies 10. Freddy vs Jason 9. Schindler’s List 8. Requiem for a Dream 7. Bruno...
October 6, 2010
10 Simple Rules for Goshen-Dating Each Other
I know how it is: as soon as you try and talk to someone you are interested in, you pee...
September 30, 2010
Top 10 Songs that will destroy a romantic mood
1.” The Imperial March” — John Williams 2. “Home” — from Beauty and the Beast 3. “E-mail my Heart” —...
September 22, 2010
Dear Captain Advice
Dear Captain Advice, My roommate has begun sleepwalking. I’m nervous for his safety and mine. What should I do? –“Sleep-deprived”...
September 7, 2010
Dear Captain Advice
Dear Captain Advice, There’s this guy that I like, but he only sits with soccer guys at the Rott. How...
April 14, 2010
Get any job instantly with these easy interview tips!
Wow, this is the last Record of the year…crazy! I know many of you, like myself will look for summer...
April 7, 2010
Welcome…to the future
Jacob Landis-Eigsti People love making predictions of what the future will look like. I thought I’d share my thoughts so...
March 30, 2010
A dear goodbye to a dear, dear friend
By Billy Funk with aid from his cousin Jordan Weaver and roomie Jonathan Harnish Farewell to a Dearest Friend Hi...
March 24, 2010
The Glorious Declaration
Ah, Spring…when a young person’s fancy turns into awkwardness. Well, I figure I’ve given lots of dating advice on what...
March 17, 2010
Fifteen Ways to Make Your Day More Interesting
In the middle of the year, it’s easy to just go through the motions and follow routine. It can be...
March 10, 2010
Goshen College Prepares for Blood Drive After Troubles Last Year
After troubles with vampires at last years’ blood drive, Goshen College is implementing new precautions. For instance, the college is...
March 3, 2010
Oh Glorious Season Of Love
Finally, the cold and dreary December, January and February have passed and we have moved into the cold and dreary,...
February 17, 2010
A Response To My Roommate
Like many of you, I was shocked and appalled last week at Mr. Kaufmann’s libelous attacks upon my character in...
February 3, 2010
The Name Game
Jacob Landis-Eigsti My kids are going to hate me. Although I am sure they will find hundreds of other reasons...
January 27, 2010
Your guide to taking the important step from being a cheapskate to a super cheapskate.
Most people know that Mennonites are cheap. College students are cheap as well, so of course students at Goshen College...
January 20, 2010
Love is Not in the Cold Stale Air…Yet
by Jacob Landis-Eigsti At Goshen College, love works in strange ways. It’s winter; no new relationships have formed, and then...
January 20, 2010
Top Ten Signs You’re Goshen Dating
10. You’ve heard Bruce say “Hey you two” numerous times 9. You’ve Facebook chatted about your relationship, just not with...
January 20, 2010
New Year’s resolutions
As the incredibly epic-sounding year 2010 begins, it is a time of new beginnings, a time of reflection and, of...