by Jacob Landis-Eigsti

At Goshen College, love works in strange ways.  It’s winter; no new relationships have formed, and then BOOM.  Some warm day in spring, all of a sudden 2/3 of the school’s students find themselves in relationships.  It happens so quickly and suddenly that sometimes people find themselves in relationships with people they have never met before.  Do you doubt this fact, first-years?  Just wait.  But what can be done before this inevitable love day?  Although it defies all logic and generations of Goshen tradition, I believe it actually may be possible to start a relationship in the dead of Goshen winter, and for this reason, I have made you your own guide to Goshen dating in the winter.  25 years from now Goshen College will thank me for increasing their enrollment through this article.

Not everything about winter is terrible for beginning a relationship.  For example, it is really cold in the winter.  It’s hard to propose cuddling up with the excuse of being cold in spring when it’s sunny and 65 degrees.  A rather important step for Goshen dating is taking a walk by the mill race.  I know what you are thinking…but wait, it is -20 degrees and I will get terrible frostbite.  This is good, actually.  Think of it: walking hand in hand–the two of you will literally be fused together.  You will be inseparable.  I wouldn’t recommend trying to kiss.  I am sure you have all seen the flagpole scene in “A Christmas Story”.

Boy scouts have taught us to always be prepared, and for this reason you should buy two of EVERYTHING.  This way whatever the occasion, you will always be able to go with someone if the time comes up.  Wanna go to the concert?  I have two tickets.  Weird, Java junction just gave me another coffee for free.  Do you want it?  Want to go to the rott?  I have two meal plans.  Wanna skype?  I have two computers.  I’m serious–be prepared for anything.  Two bikes…check;  Two pairs of shoes…check; two books for every class…check.  There are a few exceptions to the rule.  For example, one massive coat that two people can be under is superior to two coats–the same is true of umbrellas.  But, plan ahead and you will be prepared for everything.  My hope is with this advice your Goshen dating can be just as ambiguous and confusing as in the spring.