Ah, Spring…when a young person’s fancy turns into awkwardness. Well, I figure I’ve given lots of dating advice on what to do (go for a frostbitten walk, propose, go into hiding), but perhaps I need to give a little advice on what to say. That’s why I’m making dating insanely easy for you; just fill in the blank and you will be set for life. This declaration will work EVERY time. I guarantee it. If it doesn’t work, please send me very angry e-mails. My e-mail is Aaronkk@goshen.edu. Without further ado,Cupid hath shot an arrow into my heart
Oh _________, how sweet thou art
I’m so nervous around you my stomach does cramp
I’d wish for you three times if given a magic lamp
Around you my heart starts to drum
Like the little drummer boy, you make it go Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum
To be together, well that would rule!
I’d shave off my eyebrows for you, though I’d look like a fool
Oh leap and shout, for love is in the air
And I am so attractive, many hearts I ensnare
Yet I want only you;
for you I’d swim the English Channel
Or even sell all my beautiful flannel
Just for you, my heart beats purple
When I am around you, I feel…um…good?
You make life seem joyous and true
Please declare, I love you, it’s true!
It does not take Sherlock Holmes to discover my love
My love is gentle and kind as a dove
We should take a walk round the streets of Goshen
Or see a play…what a charming notion!
On this glorious spring day
Let us declare our emotions, hurrah! Hurray!
A wise man once told me true love should never go to waste
Which is why we should get together with haste
(At this point a beautiful aria or tap-dance would suffice nicely).
Now, hopefully you should be dating them by this point. For those of you who need it, I’ve included this as well.
What? You’ve never met me, whatever do you mean?
For years you’ve made my heart burst at the seam!
I sat two rows down in Calc… Remember?
And I think we talked at least once in December.
It is clearly our fate to be together
Don’t mess with fate…it controls the weather
And we had just begun to see the sun
If you reject me a new ice age will have begun.
Well do not fear, for love is blind.
And you have hardly seen me at all…I’m a find!