Ah, Spring…when a young person’s fancy turns into awkwardness.  Well, I figure I’ve given lots of dating advice on what to do (go for a frostbitten walk, propose, go into hiding), but perhaps I need to give a little advice on what to say.  That’s why I’m making dating insanely easy for you; just fill in the blank and you will be set for life.  This declaration will work EVERY time. I guarantee it.  If it doesn’t work, please send me very angry e-mails.  My e-mail is Aaronkk@goshen.edu.   Without further ado,

Cupid hath shot an arrow into my heart

Oh _________, how sweet thou art

I’m so nervous around you my stomach does cramp

I’d wish for you three times if given a magic lamp

Around you my heart starts to drum

Like the little drummer boy, you make it go Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum

To be together, well that would rule!

I’d shave off my eyebrows for you, though I’d look like a fool

Oh leap and shout, for love is in the air

And I am so attractive, many hearts I ensnare

Yet I want only you;

for you I’d swim the English Channel

Or even sell all my beautiful flannel

Just for you, my heart beats purple

When I am around you, I feel…um…good?

You make life seem joyous and true

Please declare, I love you, it’s true!

It does not take Sherlock Holmes to discover my love

My love is gentle and kind as a dove

We should take a walk round the streets of Goshen

Or see a play…what a charming notion!

On this glorious spring day

Let us declare our emotions, hurrah!  Hurray!

A wise man once told me true love should never go to waste

Which is why we should get together with haste

(At this point a beautiful aria or tap-dance would suffice nicely).

Now, hopefully you should be dating them by this point.  For those of you who need it, I’ve included this as well.

What? You’ve never met me, whatever do you mean?

For years you’ve made my heart burst at the seam!

I sat two rows down in Calc… Remember?

And I think we talked at least once in December.

It is clearly our fate to be together

Don’t mess with fate…it controls the weather

And we had just begun to see the sun

If you reject me a new ice age will have begun.

Well do not fear, for love is blind.

And you have hardly seen me at all…I’m a find!