funnies
October 26, 2023
Last-minute costumes: GC edition
We made it, y’all. It is FINALLY Halloween season, a time of festivity filled with cheer for young and old alike. Yes, Halloween is a celebratory event. We cannot and will not keep skipping immediately to Christmas. Not in this household. For people who still don’t have a costume (look up the definition of procrastinator), I present to you a list of various costumes that will showcase your college spirit and let you leave your drabness behind. Do you have a drive for helping students become their best selves? Are you always stressed out but willing to talk to other...
October 12, 2023
Reflections on little treats
In the final week before the long-awaited fall break, it’s important to have strategies to cope with heightened levels of stress due to midterm exams, projects and papers. While some students enjoy taking walks in the brisk autumn air, spending time with their friends or watching their favorite show to get through these trying times, my personal favorite method is to give myself a little treat. I’ll explain how the strategy works. After getting out of class, completing a homework assignment or writing three more sentences of the 10-page paper I have due next week, I love nothing more than...
October 12, 2023
Things my kids say
As a senior secondary education student here on campus, I have had the privilege of student teaching at Elkhart High School (GO LIONS!). A day-to-day conversation with my English as a New Language III students is packed with inside jokes, advice and stories about funny activities they like doing. I’ve been wanting to incorporate student teaching into the funnies section, so I offered my students an incentive — five points of extra credit — to help me out. The students were more than willing to give me a few of their best jokes. Please note: a majority of these jokes...
October 5, 2023
Remodeling Homecoming
As Homecoming Weekend approaches, I’ve taken it upon myself to workshop a potential new schedule for next year’s events. It’s never a bad idea to freshen things up, right? Here is a brief excerpt from “Naomi’s New and Improved Homecoming Schedule of Festivities.” 5 a.m.: Squirrel watching Have you heard of birdwatching? This is like that, but for squirrels! Note that this event is MANDATORY. Let’s make the most of the weekend by taking advantage of the morning’s wee hours. 6 a.m. to 10 a.m.: Contemplative sitting on KMY Take some time to relax on the well-groomed lawn outside of...
October 5, 2023
A day in the life of Micah Spatt
Why you should read this… If you’ve ever wondered what a day in Micah Spatt’s life looks like, you are in the right place. If you haven’t, aren’t you just a bit curious? No? Well, honestly, you might as well keep reading because you’re already three sentences deep, and there’s no point in turning back! The reason why my day matters to me is it always brings a new opportunity for growth. I hope you enjoy this day in my life and maybe even glean a little something along the way. Flipping a switch, and the Bacon Blues Soooo, like...
September 28, 2023
Jekyll and Hyde: A tale of two bathrooms
Newcomer Center. During my freshman year of college, this place was an enigma. Many peers told me about the fabled building where large classes and communication happenings took place. They described the tedious slog across campus through wind, ice, snow, mud, grass, acorns and maple leaves required to revel in its glory. From their comments, a seed planted deep in my soul cemented Newcomer as a promise. It was a promise of awe, glory, academic excellence and, most importantly, a promise of paradise. What is this paradise, you might wonder? Is it the vending machine cubby near NC 19? Could...
September 28, 2023
¡Vamos a gozar!
Goshen College needs to expand its everyday music repertoire. There are many situations that require a specific song to capture their essence, but it’s hard to start from scratch. In honor of Hispanic Heritage Month, Naomi put together this playlist of exclusively Spanish music! (Kidding, it was totally Isis.) Combine these recommendations into an incredibly versatile musical experience fit for any setting. Song: “No Me Queda Más” by Selena Perfect for when you are waiting for your laundry to finish, specifically if your dress pants are dirty and you’re already late for your nephew’s wedding! But wait, oh no! They...
September 14, 2023
Finding a new spot in the Frott
Westlawn Dining Hall — or, as you may know it, “the Rott,” — is gone. Despite its faults, “the Rott” was still a staple of the Goshen College experience. From the once-daily listen to “The Chain” by Girl Named Tom, to the ever-present admissions counselor, to the prospective student duo — the overall aura of “the Rott” was hard not to grow fond of. It’s safe to say that the food is what made you go, but the atmosphere was what kept you coming back. Unfortunately, this part of GC’s student experience has been put on pause. Due to Westlawn...
September 14, 2023
Hidden gems of Goshen
As we near the end of our second official week of the semester, We’re sure you are looking for some funky and fresh activities to keep you occupied. Check out these Goshen spots for some wholesome fun and free education. You never know where new connections might lead! Explore the Boat Launch by the Dam Pond Got roller skates? Practice your braking ability on this slippery slope! Network with the ducks. Visit the US Postal Service Just to say “hi.” Lincoln Highway Really great for driving. Exclusive overpass is an underrated roller coaster. Sail the Millrace Some say it...
September 8, 2023
Discovering who we are
The Record’s fall 2023 funnies editors (and resident personality diagnosis buffs) just dropped an exclusive new identity evaluation questionnaire. According to their expert analysis, it is “not not guaranteed to completely and without a doubt not disappoint patrons even in the slightest bit or even not at all!” Think of the Enneagram quiz, but significantly more accurate, impressive and thorough. In short, if you are a wandering soul, worry no more! Complete the quiz below and finally find yourself! Question 1: Select the picture that you most resonate with. Question 2: Fill in the blank: A perfect afternoon includes… A)...
September 8, 2023
We meet and it’s totally not awkward
Hi everybody! We are happy that you’ve found The Record’s funnies page! We have lots of fun laughs planned for this semester. As a bit of an introduction, we thought it would be informative for our readers to view an excerpt from the official conversation transcript of our first meeting. Official Conversation Transcript: Isis Espinoza and Naomi Klassen, First Meeting Location: Undisclosed Coffee Shop Time: 10:00 a.m., EST Weather: 75 F NK: [walks inside, looks around, nonchalant] IE: [sits in the middle of the building, waiting] NK: [silence] IE: [silence] NK: [spots Isis, uncertain] IE: [is chilling] NK: Hey!… Are...