funnies
April 13, 2023
What is culturally progressive music, anyway?
In 17 days, I will graduate from Goshen College. I feel like I have accomplished pretty much everything I came here to do and have learned pretty much everything I came here to learn, except for one thing that has haunted me, day in and day out: What the heck is “culturally progressive music”? I’ve tried my very best to figure it out, I really have. I even took Introduction to Radio last semester and did weekly shifts on the radio. I spoke the words, “You’re listening to 91.1 The Globe, your station for culturally progressive music” into the microphone...
April 13, 2023
March 30, 2023
GC’s top 3 spots to meditate
Only about a month of the semester remains, and I am so tired of this whole school thing. It’s like I’m running the last leg of a marathon, and I’ve just spotted the checkered flag. As I barrel towards the finish line, I can’t help but feel relieved that I am almost done. I start to realize just how tired I am. My calves hurt, and my chest is burning. With the end in sight, I figure I could manage slowing down just a tad. However each time I lower my pace, my dedication to the race takes a hit...
March 30, 2023
Crosswords with Caleb 3/30
ACROSS 1. Music star currently on her “Eras Tour” — her first in five years 6. Album released in 2019 by 1-Across 7. Atlanta research university 8. Mend a sock with holes 9. Sen. Schumer’s constituency DOWN 1. Mode of transport most useful in winter 2. “God is a ___”: Ariana Grande hit 3. Material found in elephants or old pianos 4. Plants with fronds 5. Give a whirl Link to Answers
March 30, 2023
March 23, 2023
Into the Good (Library)
The spring musical “Into the Woods,” opens tomorrow night in Umble Center! How exciting for theater kids! I know very little about the actual plot of the show, but I do remember watching the movie when it came out in 2014. I remember that James Corden was in it, and they said the line “Into the woods and home before dark” quite a lot. Despite knowing nothing else, I still think I am qualified to write a Goshen College version of this musical. So without further ado, here is the summary of my proposed musical that I suggest the theater...
March 23, 2023
Crosswords with Caleb (3/23)
ACROSS 1. Women’s history month 6. For mature audiences 7. Deck of cards used for predicting 8. Muscle pain that bananas might help with 9. Lends a hand DOWN 1. Dating app 2. On ___ (how some pranks may be done) 3. Outside city limits 4. Walk around loudly 5. Start to some web searches Link to Answers
March 23, 2023
My morning cat fights
I have a unique morning routine: I wake up by fighting with my cat, Toby. See, I struggle to find the motivation to leave the comfort of my bed on days I have obligations to be anywhere in the morning. I set several alarms on my phone: 9:00 a.m., 9:01 a.m., 9:02 a.m., 9:03 a.m. and so on. However, I am well-versed in the art of laziness and doing nothing. I used to keep my phone under my pillow, but that stopped working after half-asleep me realized I could just deactivate my alarms and return to my dreams. I adapted...
March 16, 2023
‘Your Mother’: An academic look at history’s favorite joke
From the earliest of human scripts, to the bard himself, to your 13-year-old brother, the “your mom” joke is the ultimate way to tickle your friends’ funny bones. However, what you may not know about these storied jokes is that they have an extensive history. What follows here is both a complete academic history of “your mom” jokes and a guide to how to incorporate more of them into your daily dialogue. As a history major, I see my purpose in life as educating the public about the past, perhaps particularly about our preposterous practical jokes. In a 2011 journal...
March 16, 2023
February 23, 2023
GC should offer convo credit instead of higher wages
Student workers on campus are underpaid. Last year’s student wage plan was a step to implement more competitive rates, but it’s still unclear what the next one will be, when it will come or how tall this staircase will really end up being. It includes three tiers for wages that read like a list of cell phone plans outlined as follows: $9.25 an hour, the “wet socks” level, $10.25 an hour, the “frozen yogurt” level and $11.25 an hour, the “rain smell” level. These tiers have many other nicknames. Most employment opportunities on campus fall into the frozen yogurt category,...
February 23, 2023
Professor Superlatives
Most likely to not use an inside voice – Jason Samuel For a communication professor, he only knows one volume setting. Most likely to be a man who lives in a house – David Housman Haha, see what we did there? It’s funny because his name is David. Most rectangular beard – Philipp Gollner Need we say more? Most likely to enjoy teaching ICC – Brooke Lemmon Brooke was the reason I stayed awake during ICC. She is also the runner up for most likely to not use an inside voice. Most likely to wear...
February 16, 2023
February 16, 2023
Crosswords with Caleb 2/16
ACROSS 1. TV button: abbr. 4. Spanish bear 5. Plant-based sugar alternative 7. Salad veggies 8. Shape of many candies and cookies this week DOWN 1. Fashion magazine led by Condé Nast 2. First Asian player to be ranked No. 1 in singles 3. Taylor Swift song that also named the album 5. German’s “Gah!” 7. The “e” of i.e. Link to Answers
February 16, 2023
Library comes alive at night
When the last light in the Good Library is extinguished and the doors are locked, the books push their covers against one another. Slowly but surely, they wiggle their way off the shelves, spread their covers and fly, with glorious inhibition. Nary a sound they make, save for the pleasant rustle of their pages. Fly, little books. Fly and be free. The rolling chairs spin and perambulate the carpeted floors. Without human intervention, they’re restricted to the floor they’re found on (rolling chairs aren’t the best at taking the stairs). Which is better: to be a hard-working, blue-collar chair that...