Dear Anna: valentine’s advice

Dear Anna: valentine’s advice

Dear Anna: I’m sweet on this cutie that sits in front of me in cell biology, but they’re a biochem/molecular biology major and I’m afraid they’re too smart for me. How do I get them to notice me? — Feeling Dumb

Dear Dumb: All you have to do is make sure that any heart-shaped items you may give them are anatomically accurate, the rest will fall into place.

 

Dear Anna: How do I ask my crush to be my Valentine? –Scared in love

Dear Scared: The most important part of any situation like this is to make sure you know her personality and what level of public display of love she will feel comfortable with. If she’s a more reserved girl, you may have to tone it down. One option is that you could draw a picture of her in the snow of KMY lawn and then play love songs and wait for her to look out her window. Granted, for this to work she would have to be a frosh or sophomore who lives on the west side of Yoder 1 or 2. Another good option would be an ad about her in the communicator. There is nothing a girl loves more than public and impersonal declarations of love. 

 

Dear Anna: I am stuck. My boyfriend is really good at giving gifts and is always so thoughtful! I want to outdo him this year, but I can’t think of a good present. What is your go to gift for Valentine’s Day? –Terrible Gift Giver

Dear Terrible Gift Giver: This sounds like a pickle for sure. Speaking from experience, the biggest thing to shy away from in a gift giving scenario is any allergies that he may have. If he is lactose intolerant, I probably wouldn’t gift him something with dairy in it. That is, unless he breaks up with you on or around Valentine’s Day, in that case feel free to block him up with heavy cream. 

*disclaimer, the Record does not condone biological warfare in the form of dairy products* 

 

Dear Anna: I am very worried about covid, but I also want to be with that special someone this Valentine’s Day. How can I stay safe in the midst of the pandemic this Valentine’s Day? –I’m not getting Covid-19

Dear Not Getting Covid-19: Let me think… Walks down the Bethany Trail are always a good activity and you can each be on opposite sides of the sidewalk to maintain adequate distance. If you do want to end the night with some intimacy, kissing through your mask is a good option you should consider! Keep those germs away and show your special someone that you care about them this Valentine’s. 

*Be warned that there is no guarantee that wearing a mask while kissing will prevent the spread of the coronavirus. After all, it breaks the big four.*

 

Dear Anna: Can single people celebrate Valentine’s Day? –Single and Sad

Dear Single and Sad: Of course they can! As a single person, you pretty much have two courses of action for Valentine’s Day. The first, and my personal favorite, is tagging along on a Valentine’s date with your taken friends. Whether they know it or not, people in relationships want, dare I say, NEED a third wheel. The third wheel is what makes a tricycle great. 

The second option is treating yourself to a red velvet milkshake from Java Junction, the Official Student Run Coffee Shop of Goshen College!

*I am obligated to disclose that this is an ad paid for by Chino, Master of Operations at Java*

Join me on Valentine’s Day!

Anna

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Written by Anna Osborne, Funnies Editor

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