After such a fabulous display by those who performed at Kick-Off, I think it’s only fair to also acknowledge the unsung talent at GC. Not all skills are suited for the Sauder Concert Hall stage, but that doesn’t make them any less impressive. Here are a few acts I heard of that didn’t quite make it to the final lineup this year.


Dramatic Recitation of the Books of the Bible: 

I believe it when you say that you made up an absolute banger of a song to help you memorize this for Engaging the Bible. Every impossible-to-spell name between Genesis and Revelation is now burned permanently into your memory with a catchy tune to accompany it. Even though this act represents the GC core value of Christ-centeredness, it’s just cruel to go and inflict an earworm of biblical proportions onto your fellow students. But fear not—Paul Keim is very proud of you! And if it makes you feel any better, Jesus was hated by society too. At least you’re in good company.


Kenwood House and East Hall’s Dance Routines: 

We all saw the Howell House ladies’ spunky Mamma Mia! mashup, but you may not have realized what an absolute power play it was over the other intentional living communities. Rumor has it that Kenwood and East also auditioned but didn’t quite make the cut. I guess CAC didn’t think that their selected hits from the movie adaptations of Cats and The Rocky Horror Picture Show were quite up to par. So if you see any new communicator announcements asking about open apartment rooms, chances are that person is a dreadful singer and/or dancer. Sometimes you’ve just gotta get rid of the weak link for the good of the household.


The Physics Prodigy:

An anonymous student tried to utilize their newfound knowledge of projectile motion to wow their fellow students. (Have you seen the physics department’s collection of lasers, launchers, and objects with wheels? Even the strongest-willed would be tempted to play around with them. Too bad this is very not allowed.) Unfortunately, their calculator must’ve been set to radians instead of degrees, and their elaborate setup accelerated into disaster. Oops. At least it’s prime material for a future class’s homework problem.


Group of Hacky Sackers: 

Apparently, “Kick-Off” isn’t as literal as the name would suggest. Yes, this could be seen as false advertising, but bear in mind that hacky sacking is best enjoyed outdoors, as a player. It’s just not the ideal spectator sport. Personally, my theory is that their audition took longer than five minutes. They just didn’t let that hacky sack hit the ground, and no way were they stopping a good streak on purpose. But we see you guys. Keep hacky-ing; you’re doing great! Throw in a few more backflip-kicks and I’m sure you’ll get in next year.