funnies
December 4, 2025
What are GC students listening to?
Mireya Alemán: Dance Yrself Clean by LCD Soundsystem “Dance Party” Peter Moser: Dead Skunk by Loudon Wainwright III “Stinky Country” Dahlia Thut: The Joey Poop Song by The Odd Man Who Sings About Poop, Puke and Pee “S— Music” Levi Friesen: I Hate Your Friends by Alex Coles “Relatable, High Energy” Anton Alstrom-Brookhyser: Piano Concerto No. 2 in B flat major by Johannes Brahms “Perfectly orchestrated” Mafe Aguilar Vargas: Twilight by Anderson .Paak “Funky Groove” Atty Montague: House of Spirits by The Veils “Wobbly wobbly” Keegan Wyse: Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO “Party Rockin’” Elly Wahll: Move by Luke Bryan...
December 4, 2025
Out of context professor quotes
Paul Reimer: (When referring to a graph that is close to, but not touching, the x-axis in Calc 1): “They’re kissing! Mwah!” Brooke Lemmon: “I haven’t blinked in ten minutes, Brooke.” Robina Sommers: “You think this is some kind of democracy. Ha! No.” Andy Ammons: “Now silverfish… they’re pretty kinky.” Diana Boussom: *rolls on floor* Dr. Matthew Hill: “I enjoy torturing people. Especially when they’re younger than me. You can write that down.” “Hello lab rats.” Amy Budd: “Lift up your shirt in the action of taking off your shirt but not the reality.” “It’s raining poetry!” “It’s not raining...
December 3, 2025
Crossword 12/04/25
Puzzle Answers Across 3. What the train engineers pull on to communicate with #2 down. 5. The beverage the mysterious traveller washed his socks in and offered to the main character. 7. Impressive series of acrobatic song and dance inspired by this beverage. 8. The word stamped onto the magical train ticket. Down 1. Humanoid toys that fill the circus car in objectively the scariest scene in cinematic history 2. The large herbivorous mammals that blocked the tracks of the Polar Express. 4. What actor played seven different characters in Polar Express. 6. The final destination the Polar Express takes...
November 20, 2025
Are motorized doors wasting your time?
How much time do you lose from the motorized doors on campus? Is the real reason we get bad grades because of time wasted going in and out of buildings? The answer might surprise you. Let’s assume the average student goes to two meals, two classes and one extracurricular activity per day. Each day, this average student spends 38.12 seconds in front of a door that moves slower than the mold growing in the Yoder one bathroom. Already, we can imagine all the things that we could do if we only had those precious seconds back. Activities that would definitely...
November 19, 2025
Crossword 11/20/25
Answers Across 1. What happens after you consume an egregious amount of carbohydrates. 3. What goes inside of a turkey and Build-A-Bears. 6. The state of the tree canopies in winter. 7. This is a kind of edible mushroom, what stems from the ass of a turkey. 8. The color of the sky in November and of Donald Trump’s soul. 10. That one family member, who always says the most conservative thing at a family get together. Down 2. This makes up the composition of pork rinds, and also the nickname of a football. 4. History books lied and told...
October 30, 2025
Last-minute costume ideas
Halloween is tomorrow and we know that some of you may be stressed with the burden of last-minute decision-making on your costume. Fear not, we got you covered a list of creative last-minute costume ideas that will surely help you win any upcoming costumes contests: Singles costumes: Sexy Dash: Campus mascot gone spicy. Number one fan: Take this way too literally and dress up as an actual giant box fan. The Visual Art Building sink: Cover yourself in water, various paints and sing your heart out. Dash Cache: Be full of nice treats and goodies. Ryan Snider: Refuse to swear...
October 29, 2025
Crossword 10/30/25
Answers Across 3. Movie with bizarre and aristocratic characters dressed in black; based on the 1964 TV series by David Levy. 5. Last name of the sister witch trio in Disney’s 1993 comedy. 6. Who you gonna call? 8. Do I watch this on Halloween… or Christmas? Down 1. He’s just looking for a friend 2. This Disney movie includes a teen witch, a grandma and horrible CGI 4. Film franchise that features scream queen Jamie Lee Curtis 7. Spirit in a pinstrip suit
October 23, 2025
Virus affects Goshen residents
Late on Wednesday night, local officials were alerted to a strange occurrence. An unidentified patient that was admitted to the emergency room of the Goshen Hospital escaped after arriving with symptoms of delirium and a skin infection that was analyzed by the emergency physician. Medical staff attempted to subdue the individual during the escape, however they were concerned about injuring them in the struggle. The patient was last seen fleeing towards Witmer Woods, where law enforcement began a search using thermal cameras mounted on a search and rescue unmanned aerial vehicle. As of now, this search has been unsuccessful in...
October 22, 2025
Crossword 10/23/25
Answers Across 3. What might happen to you if you eat too much Halloween candy 6. The cutest little sign of ‘bad luck’ 8. A witch’s vessel of choice for potion making 9. The essential garment for trick or treating 10. The catalyst for human to warewolf transformation Down 1. Deliciously waxy tri-colored treats 2. The product of a Halloween craft involving festive gourds 4. A friendly face that protects the corn fields 5. 8-legged creepy crawler 7. Common strong-smelling Vampire deterrent