funnies
April 4, 2024
Advice Column: Mental Health
As spring toys with the idea of making an appearance this year, the slightly warmer temperatures have put some people in the best moods they’ve been in since last semester. I am one of those people. However, I’m also here to tell you that there is so much more that can be done for your mental health beyond the high you get from Mother Nature blessing you with a few warm minutes of sun each week. Oh, and as for my qualifications, I got an ‘A’ in Wellness for Life, and I’m pretty sure we talked about mental health in...
March 21, 2024
Crosswords with Caleb: 3/21
ACROSS 1. The Record, for example 6. Reproductive parts of flowers 8. Insect that can eat 50 aphids a day 10. Joke 11. Glass of “This American Life” 12. Tempted 14. Mailed 15. “Smoking!” DOWN 1. Weird Al parody “___ Face” 2. Assists 3. Impromptu bird baths, perhaps 4. Ron of “Tarzan” fame 5. New beginning 7. Definitely will 9. Gal in “Wonder Woman” 13. Cinco menos cuatro Link to Answers
March 21, 2024
“Word Square”
Connect the letters to form words (3 letters or more) until all of the letters have been used. The last letter of a word becomes the first letter of the next word. Letters can be reused, but consecutive letters cannot come from the same edge. Aim to solve in 3 words. There is a 2-word solution. Link to Answers
March 21, 2024
Star Battle
Place exactly two stars in every section, row and column without any of them touching — including diagonally. Link to Answers
March 21, 2024
Word Ladder 2
When moving up or down the ladder, each word will have one (and only one) letter replaced at a time. Start at the top or bottom. Example: HIKE → BIKE → BAKE… One: Convinced Two: One and only Three: In need of an ice bath, say Four: Word that becomes its own synonym when the letters “AS” are added to the front Five: Bunker Six: Shape Seven: Dance move involving wriggling Link to Answers
March 21, 2024
Hidato
Fill the cells with numbers such that all consecutive numbers are touching (ex: 2 must be next to 1 and 3). Link to Answers
March 21, 2024
Word Ladder 1
The following clues are for two-word phrases. The last word in each phrase will be carried to the first word in the next phrase. Example: RED HOT → HOT KEY → KEY WEST… One: Appetizer filled with vegetables Two: Take attendance Three: Cancel Four: Not on the same page Five: Extreme sport activity illegal in most places Six: Playground activity Seven: Friction-related injury possible in tug-of- war Eight: Journal of rumors and gossip in “Mean Girls” Link to Answers
March 14, 2024
Crosswords with Caleb: 3/14
ACROSS 1. Run ___ (go wild) 5. “Qué ___?” 6. International Women’s History month 7. Times New Roman alternative 8. Greek prefix seen in some dinosaurs meaning “wing” DOWN 1. In pieces 2. Nobel-winning Curie (and only person to win the prize in two sciences) 3. Award “Oppenheimer” won seven of last Sunday 4. Artist Frida renowned for her self-portraits 6. Park ranger’s handout Link to Answers
March 14, 2024
Opinion: Is Java Junction becoming GC’s next convenience food superpower?
On the night of the 19th of February in the year of our Lord 2024, Java Junction started selling a new product: Java Dawgs. While this decision may have seemed convenient or simply “nice” at best, it was this night that I had the revelation of the pure ingenuity of this move — the ingenuity of the business strategies inconspicuously employed by Java Junction over the course of this last semester. You see, starting this school year, Goshen College made the executive decision to renovate the Westlawn Dining hall, moving AVI’s culinary services to the Union Building. This decision was...
March 14, 2024
Letters from the editors
Dear Editor, Hi. It’s me, Greta. You might not remember me, because I was executive editor of The Record back before you were even born (fall of 2021). But I am writing this letter because I need to clear my name. You see, during my first year of college, I wrote an article that is incongruent with who I am. It’s time to change the public narrative. And to any young writers out there: remember that articles for The Record are FOREVER. If you aren’t careful, you might accidentally end up endorsing a certain food that you actually hate. Write...
