It has come to my attention that the word “doorhinge” rhymes with the word “orange,” which leaves the word “purple” as the only word in the esteemed English language that remains unrhymable (unverified claim).

What has purple done do deserve such linguistic mistreatment? What terrible sin has it committed that justifies its exclusion from every rhyming poem ever written?

Friends, this simply cannot be. We must stand up for the lonely word and give it the proper poetic treatment it deserves.

I have come up with various new words that rhyme with purple as a means of dealing with this problem. Pick the words you like and adopt them into your everyday speech. Eventually, if you and I work hard enough, purple will earn the respect it has been denied throughout the history of its existence.

Here are some of my proposed words:

Furple: An embarrassing, avoidable mistake. “I furpled the whole presentation up because I brought the wrong notes.”

Congerple: A large mass of slowly-moving people. “I hate getting through the congerple before and after the services at convention!”

Rurpel: An elaborate, gaudy hairstyle that a women wears to a formal event. “Mr. Smith’s wife really botched last night with her rurple, didn’t she? It looked like she was hiding an animal in her updo.”

Wherple: Southern vernacular for a Whirlpool. “Y’all don’t get into the wherple til I clean it, ya hear?”

Muggurple: Surgeon’s term for an unfamiliar body part that is found in the midst of surgery. “Hand me that muggurple we pulled from Mrs. Hancock’s stomach, would you?”

Chirple: A bird’s morning song, heard upon first awakening from sleep. “I love the transition from winter to spring. It makes me so happy to wake up to the chirples outside my window.”