Welcome back, dear readers! This fall, everyone’s favorite section of the Record is being edited by everyone’s favorite dynamic duo — Erica Gunden and Eli Reimer! For those who don’t know us, we’ve taken the liberty of using an entire article to introduce ourselves. These won’t be your average, first-day-of-class introductions, though. After three years as roommates, we trust each other enough that we will be introducing the other person with no feedback or input whatsoever. It is our hope that these honest and thoughtful reflections will give the reader insight into who we are.

Eli Reimer:

If you’ve heard of Eli, it’s probably through something Jesus-related, like being the only Bible and religion major and serving as the most esteemed Engaging the Bible TA to ever hold the title. Eli is Paul Keim’s number one fan and possibly the biggest nerd I’ve ever met. I mean, come on— imagine learning not one, not two, but three archaic ancient (dead) languages. I’ll stick with learning Spanish, thanks.

On a more personal note,

despite my unwavering friendship, I must live with the fact that Eli will never love me as much as they love their dog, Bonnie.

Despite Bonnie and I sharing similar characteristics such as enjoying walks and naps, loyalty, and weighing roughly the same, I’m still relegated to second-place. And I don’t even bark at everything that moves.

Oh yeah, and one time they started a Twitter fight with my dad. Don’t ask why; all I remember is that it happened.

Erica Gunden:

The first and only thing you need to know about Erica is that she voluntarily runs long-distance. This is, quite frankly, psychopathic behavior. Her regular routine includes waking up at 8 a.m. on Saturday morning to run for hours on end, an activity that she claims to enjoy. This may be because she has been conditioned to accept painful early mornings as normal after years of 8 a.m. science classes.

Those who encounter Erica in the wild have been known to describe her as “quiet” and “small,” similar to a cute mouse or baby bird. To my surprise, I quickly learned that she also consumes an enormous amount of food every day. Cereal is her ideal snack, but she will eat anything you put in front of her. She is especially good at getting rid of leftovers.

Erica has also, slowly but surely, become my parents’ favorite child. She cleans up after herself, always says thank you, and sends my mom handmade cards for Mother’s Day. It’s exhausting to compete against.

Clearly, the key to remaining roommates all through college is just dumb luck.