You may have noticed a controversial article in the Record last week.

No, we’re not talking about Chief Editor Mastermind Campus Leader Quinn Brenneke’s editorial about signing the GC Open Letter. We’re talking about Elizabeth Franks-Hyphen-North’s article about Goshen Skeptics, hidden prominently on page 3.

Although certain parts of this article were moderately within reason of being on the verge of somewhat correct, on the whole, it was blatantly erroneous.

You might ask, “What do these local rabble-rousers do at their Sunday trysts, anyway?” To get a clearer idea of what really goes on, our crack team of investigative journalists obtained the minutes from last Sunday’s Skeptics meeting:

April 6, 2014, 1:10 p.m. Kenwood House.

After the ritual blood oath, we took stock of our most recent endeavors:

Took every theological book in the library off the shelf, crossed out “God,” and wrote in “Science” instead. (Then Science said, “Let there be light.”)

Received approval from Becky Horst that Skeptics meetings can now count as one Convo/Chapel credit.

Tricked Goshen’s beloved, beardly believer Paul Keim, professor of Bible and religion, into attending one of our meetings.

Infiltrated Jehovah’s Witnesses and delivered flyers to all the campus houses.

Visited Assembly and thought, “It wasn’t that bad.”

Posed for a photo for the Record with a painting of Black Jesus in the background. (No, seriously—check out last week’s issue.)

After our ritual discussion of which closing rituals we would like to include next time, Jacob Maldonado Nofziger walked in 1.5 hours late.

Well, that’s a typical Skeptics meeting, folks. Give a round of applause to your local provocateurs.

And be sure to remember our club motto: “We should really come up with a club motto or something.”