Goshen students are confused. Very, very confused. Do you know how many Goshen students use Twitter? It’s something like … forty. That means practically half the student body has gone haywire and is letting their thoughts tweet away into the electronic cesspool that is Twitter. Where should Goshen students send their pointless, rambling perspectives on life? You already know the answer.

That’s right, Inside/Outside Voices is the original Twitter.

Twitter is moving in on I/O Voices territory, and I won’t stand for it. What sort of messages do people leave I/O Voices? They’re usually short, incoherent and mostly pointless. How do people interact on I/O Voices? They slip the person’s name into their message. Where did Twitter get the idea of usernames? Who doesn’t try to claim to be someone else on I/O Voices?

We can’t let Twitter ruin what Goshen College started. Without I/O Voices, how else could we have learned about the happenings at Cougar Palace or the crazy antics of Waffle House? Where else can we comment on Clayton Miller’s freshman-like dining habits or Jared Miller’s hilarious catchphrases? And what of the Grant Miller of old? The funnies section used to be considered incomplete without at least two contributions from the sole contact on the Record’s Google Voice account.

Calling I/O Voices is as easy as can be. Just the other day, I called from the quiet section of the library to complain about my computer logging me off while I was in the bathroom. Nobody nearby seemed to mind too much.

Goshen students, faculty and staff, I implore you: call into Inside/Outside Voices! Extra points to any faculty or staff that use the phrase YOLO during their call.