“Eight months ago Becca Yoder returned from Peru SST. Eight minutes ago I picked a dead nit from Becca Yoder’s hair. I hate lice.”

-Unidentified lice hater

“Becca Yoder just wanted to make it clear that she did not declare her lice when she passed through Customs into the United States. Quote, unquote: ‘Those mamas were running all over me.'”

-Unidentified lice hater (and accessory to Becca Yoder, lice smuggler)

“Hi, um, this is Daniel Buschert and I just wanted to say that I have the best hair on campus. I dare anyone to touch it. [sound of Jared being poked in the stomach] Oh my gosh! [talking to Daniel Buschert] I hate you! You are the worst person!”

-Jared Miller

“Hi, this is Josh Snyder and I just want to give a shout-out to Babe House. They host the best snacktime. It’s true, we had macaroni and cheese, pizza. If you’re looking for a good time then come to Babe House because they provide it. Babe House is where it’s at. We have dance parties and tons of food and tons of fun! So if you’re looking for a good time, Babe House is the place to be! Babe House and then next year [indiscriminate house name] buh-bye! Adios amigos!”

-Jenna Nofziger and Josh Snyder