“Hello, this is Josiah Simpson. I would just like to say [nondescript background noise] anybody at Goshen College is welcome to challenge me to a booty shaking contest. ‘Cause right now I’m king-o-the-castle. So if you’re ready to throw down let me know! [Background person: ‘This is Josh Snyder!’] Peace.”
-Josiah ‘King-o-the-castle’ Simpson“Hi, this is Jared Miller. Uh, see that washcloth on the desk? I’m in an elevator. My computer said something to me today, I don’t know what it means! And I still can’t find my little pony. Hi, I’m Jared Miller and Carlin is a fracking hole.”
-All of Kenwood House [except Jared Miller]
“Forget carnations! Send us Martin Flowers! We love you! Woo! [screaming and fainting]”
-Unidentified Females (Martin, if you want the number, contact Brian or John)
“Hi, um, this is Clare Maxwell and I just wanted to say that I’m pretty sure if polar bears were people they would be, like, extremely sexy. That’s all!”
-Clare Maxwell
