Take the Time to Change Outfits: “I can’t evacuate in this hoodie, it’s pajama day!” No one cares. The fire doesn’t care. Leave in your Cookie Monster pjs.

Run Back for Your Phone Charger: Yes, your phone is at 12%, but you know what’s worse? You being at 0% because you ran into a burning building for a $10 cable.

Try to Assert Dominance Over the Fire: Standing in front of the flames with your arms crossed saying, “You don’t scare me,” will not make the fire back down. It is not a school bully; it does not care about your confidence.

Turn the Fire Alarm Off Because It’s Annoying: Oh yes, let’s just silence the only thing telling everyone to leave immediately. Genius move.

Use a Hairdryer to Blow the Fire Away: Science lesson: That’s just more hot air. You’re literally helping it. Congrats, you just became the fire’s biggest fan.

Stop to Finish Your Snack: “I know the building is on fire, but I just made this bowl of ramen. It would be a waste.” Trust me, the fire will not appreciate your commitment to meal prep.

Try to Save the Fish Tank: Look, Goldie has had a good life. Trying to carry a 50-gallon aquarium down the stairs isn’t a heroic rescue, it’s an instant fail compilation waiting to happen.

Crawl on the Floor but Forget to Move: Yes, staying low is smart. But if you just lie there like a dramatic Victorian character, you’re not avoiding smoke — you’re just slow-roasting yourself.

Challenge Your Friends to “Fire Limbo”: “How low can you go?” Hopefully, all the way out the door before your eyebrows become a thing of the past.

Try to Put It Out With a Bottle of Soda: Sorry to break it to you, but spraying Dr Pepper on the flames will not work. All you’re doing is creating a deliciously caramelized disaster.

Pull Out Your Homework and Try to “Accidentally” Drop It Into the Fire: “Oh no, my history essay fell into the flames! Guess I can’t turn it in!” Nice try, but your teacher is 100% still making you redo it.

Try to Take a Shower to Protect Yourself: “If I’m wet, the fire can’t burn me, right?” This is not Pokémon. Fire is not going to look at your damp self and say, “Ah, my one weakness.”

Stop to Record a TikTok Dance in Front of the Fire: Nothing says “priorities” like risking third-degree burns for a 15-second clip. No, the fire will not make your video go viral the way you want.

Look for the Fire Exit Map When You Could Just … EXIT: “Hmm, let’s see … I could leave through this clearly open door, or I could stare at this confusing diagram for five minutes.” Spoiler: The correct answer is go outside.

Try to Wait It Out Like It’s a Bad Thunderstorm: “I mean, how long could it really burn?” Long enough for you to stop waiting and start running.