I love acronyms.

Consider: a lot goes on around campus these days – clubs, activities, music, procrastination, plans for an underpass, Kick-Off (this weekend!), senior shows (also this weekend!), Hour Afters (next weekend!), etc.

So much is going on, in fact, that some OTHER things – important things – can fall through the cracks.

In order to help fight against this, I propose that we expand the use of acronyms on campus. Yes, we already have MAO, CITL, CAC, PJCS, S.S.T., MHL and the new BASICS policy, to name a few (bonus points if you’re familiar with all of those, by the way).

But are these really enough? I contend that they aren’t.

For example, perhaps it would be useful for some of us to remember that Doing Anything Destructive and Making Others Mad might get you Kicked In (your) Dumb Shins. That might be a mouthful, but when you simplify it down to DAD + MOM = KIDS, then things get so much easier. Am I right?

Perhaps something else good to remember might be – “You Are Late To Art, ‘Cause Often, No Force on Earth Rouses ENslept Culture Excretors” (that means you, art majors). Again, this often useful phrase can be shortened to the much simpler YALTA CONFERENCE. Simultaneously, you will be learning history when you go to Wikipedia and find out what a Yalta Conference is.

Perhaps the most important new acronym that we need on campus, however, is one reminding students what to do when they spot suspicious activity. Despite the fact that the administration has been telling us this for years, I think that we need a more concrete reminder – one that will really stick in our brains, you know?

I propose, then, that in the spirit of BASICS, we institute a new campus policy entitled, “Come On, My People, Let’s Indicate Criminal Activity to Ensure our Defense” (COMPLICATED). Under this policy, I am sure that WE the students can continue to help make our campus a safer place for everyone.

Now I turn the request back to you, reader: help out.

Create useful and poignant acronyms in your spare time. Create them in your sleep. Create them when you’re hanging out with friends. Probably don’t create new acronyms during classes, because your professors wouldn’t like that very much. But pretty much any other time is completely appropriate!

It’s our job to make campus a more remember-able, more efficient place and this is one great way to help out. So get crackin’!