Introducing the Hermnal – a Hymnal for her!

Ladies, are you tired of using products that weren’t made for you?

Pens, earplugs, razors, snacks, lotion, water…the list goes on and on. There are so many products made for men that us ladies just can’t handle in their deeply masculine form! Thankfully, a lot of new innovative products *For Her* have been made to help us get a grip on life, and the patriarchy is being dismantled. But for Jesus-loving Godly girls, there is one essential product that remains unconquered: the Hymnal. 

Hymnals are HEAVY, y’all! They are dark and un-feminine. How are we supposed to worship the Lord with a book so obviously made for men?! Our dainty bodies and souls just can’t handle it. Thankfully, a team of feminist male songwriters and bookbinders have created just the thing to solve all of our feminine woes. Introducing the HERmnal! It’s the hymnal for her!! Ladies, it’s time to turn your praise sessions up a notch.

The number-one problem with hymnals is obviously that they are too heavy. The Hermnal solves this issue by only having ten songs! But don’t worry, because our team of editors has made sure that the songs cover all possible theological topics. The Hermnal is light as a feather, dainty as a teacup and small enough to fit in your non-existent jean pocket.

Hymnals are also dark blue; what a terribly masculine color! Women just can’t vibe with that. To solve this problem, the Hermnal is available in a wide variety of shades of pink, including Hot, Millenium, Peach, Fuschia and Blush!! Buy one in every shade in order to coordinate with your outfits! You will be the classiest woman in the church, guaranteed.

And of course, we can’t forget how Hymnals are just so boxy, which simply doesn’t match our flowy feminine energy. Everyone knows that all women are soft and curvaceous, and therefore our possessions should be soft and curvaceous too! The Hermnal eliminates all corners and straight lines, and instead is curvy and soft, perfect for the tender female hand. You will no longer need to worry about poking yourself on the corner of a sharp hymnal when you are trying to praise the Lord. 

Finally, hymnals are extraordinarily boring. I mean, praising Jesus is supposed to be fun, amiright girls?! The Hermnal is here to solve all of that, with a glittery exterior and a whole page of fun encouraging Bible verse stickers. At last, a song book that reflects just how fun and lighthearted all of us women are 🙂 

So buy your Hermnal today before they’re gone!! For only $10 more than however much a normal man’s hymnal is, the Hermnal can be yours. Sacred music, after hundreds of years, is finally accessible to females, and to that we say Awomen!

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Written by Greta Klassen, Copy Desk Chief

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