Graber Miller crowned king

Graber Miller crowned king

With over 70 votes, we’ve finally determined who the toughest prof is on GC’s campus — but you’ll have to read to the end to find out who our winner is! Or you could skip to the bottom, but that would be dishonest. Plus, you wouldn’t get to hear these awesome quotes.

First up, we had Keith Graber Miller. His voters had a lot to say in defense of his toughness.

One voter said that Keith’s tests “feel like being punched directly in the jaw by a professional boxer for an hour and a half straight.” Ouch.

Another said that “Keith’s tests could curdle milk” which is a gross yet accurate statement. Someone was “pretty sure Keith drinks students’ tears for breakfast.”

Yet another supporter sums up the toughest aspect of Keith Graber Miller: “Once, I stayed up until 4:30 a.m. finishing a paper for Keith. I didn’t need coffee, my fear of disappointing him was enough to keep me awake.”

Don’t worry Keith, it’s not just your tests and papers that make you tough. For some, they firmly believe that “three names goes harder than two.”

Another noted that you weren’t “hesitant to call out students on their phones in class.” A brave thing in this day and age.

Honestly, I’m not sure if this quote will make it into the final edition, but I’ll go ahead and put it in and see if it makes it past editing. “Keith’s. Kink. Is. Academic. Misery” — really this quote is worse than anything in some of Keith’s very own classes. Dear editor, I beg you to allow this quote to stay.

One voter did think that “John Roth would win in a fight,” but they believe that “Keith is the tougher prof and ultimately [they] fear him more.”

Speaking of John Roth — his voters also had a lot to say about his toughness. Not only is Roth “a homie,” but he apparently is unafraid to go “sicko mode.” Indeed, I think he went sicko mode when the “dude broke his ribs and still came to class.” I did enjoy the quote “Roth is merciless! And he doesn’t go easy on you because of pesky things like weekly historic journals.”

To that I say, anyone who breaks ribs and still comes to class will NEVER take it easy on you — he doesn’t even take it easy on himself!

Again John, don’t worry — it isn’t just your academia that makes you tough. My favorite quote has to be “Keith demands more, but John wears shoes, which really makes the class tougher.” I’m not sure exactly who that’s an endorsement for, but I enjoyed it nevertheless. Someone also noted that “John is cute” so there’s that.

We have yet another quote that might not make it into the final edition. “John would [mess] Keith up!” This is obviously not what they said. Need I remind my voters that this is a GOOD, CHRISTIAN campus?!?

I did talk to both John and Keith about how they felt. John Roth was baffled — he always thought he was a pushover. He noted that this was a “good reminder about the gap between self-perception and reality.” When asked how he would feel if he won, John expressed his “deep ambivalence.”

Keith also felt speechless, though he did admit that his tests “probably are kind of hard,” but he does try to write things like “hang in there” on all the tests that receive Fs. Although he was happy to see Wyse third represented, Keith also said he would be happy to have John win.

Unfortunately Keith, you ARE the winner. It was rather close — 54% to 45%. There was a surge of votes last night — up until 10 p.m. last night it was deadlocked 50-50.

But let it be known — Keith Graber Miller: voted GC’s Toughest Prof 2019. You may officially add it to your resume.

Congratulations to these students for correctly predicting the winner of the first ever GC’s Toughest Prof:

Olivia Smucker

Heather Gabel

Ethan Lapp

Ben Meyer Reimer

Miguel Rodriguez

Rheannon Starr

Brandy Lowe

Your names will be entered into a drawing for a “special prize,” and the winner will be notified by email!

Rachael Klink, Funnies Editor
Rachael Klink, Funnies Editor
Written by Rachael Klink, Funnies Editor

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