The short short epidemic

The short short epidemic

Erika Miller

Contributing Writer


Everyone knows Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

In order to save single people from any more unsolicited advice (we know your grandmothers and every person in a relationship on this planet has got that covered), I’m going to address something far more pressing on the Goshen College Campus: shorts.

Yeah, that’s right, folks. We have a shorts epidemic.

Recently in my free time, I have taken up jogging at the Rec-Fit Center on campus. Because I didn’t get those mythical genetics where people claim to get a “runner’s high” (trust me, there is nothing that gives you a feeling of awe and wonder after a jog), I keep my mind busy by analyzing what’s going on around me.

I have recently noticed a large increase in very, very, short, shorts. No, this is not the same sexist talk every girl going through puberty in middle school got. It is a shout out to all of the men trying to rock these shorts. There is a particularly large population of over-45-year-old males that is trying to make these itty-bitty running shorts trendy.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all about body empowerment and self-acceptance, but this trend is definitely not one I expected to see in the arctic winter temperatures of northern Indiana.

With these shorts, I’ve noticed a correlation.

I’m not a math major, but I did my best for about five seconds to channel any math knowledge I obtained from high school. The correlation is this: the shorter your shorts, the more gusto, confidence and running speed you arrive to the Rec-Fit with.  

If the older men wearing these shorts were to have a spirit animal, it would be something along the lines of a gazelle or a cheetah. It has made me wonder if these shorts are sold with a disclaimer that they will give you these qualities while running.

In my four years at Goshen College, I have learned a lot about servant leadership, making Chaco sandals with socks a fashion statement and the diverse diet of squirrels. I did not expect to stumble upon such a fashion capital at the Rec-Fit Center while in my last semester.

I have been greatly out-run in speed and distance by each and every one of these old men wearing short-shorts. I guess this is a sign Goshen College is still a place full of mysteries and new discoveries.

I have yet to invest into a pair of these infamous shorts, but look forward to seeing them in next year’s international fashion shows.


Photo contributed by Erika Miller

Written by Record

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