Limited Edition Drink Won’t Be Here Furlong

Maria Jantz
Funnies editor
mkjantz@goshen.edu

You need a lot of horse sense to name a good drink. At Goshen’s own Java Junction, our baristas are saddled with the responsibility of finding a name that will make customers drool.  This week’s special: Pavlov’s Dog.

Oh, sorry. I was still thinking about drooling.

Students could pony up Munch Money this week for the much more appetizing-sounding “Horse in a Cup.”  I made the trek (twenty miles through the snow, uphill both ways) to Java Junction to try this much-touted new drink. JavaDrink_web

I was sorely disappointed. I had expected—neigh, hoped for—a drink worthy of the name “Horse in a Cup.” A name that says, “This will not fit in a 16 oz. cup.”   A name that calls to mind newly foaled ponies frolicking in a field, their picturesque placentas still clinging to their backs.

Unfortunately, Horse in a Cup does not contain any placentas. It doesn’t even contain any horses. This is a bit of a letdown after the popular December drink, Christmas in a Cup, contained one actual Christmas. Rumor has it the drink formerly known as “White Caramel Mocha” was renamed to improve sales. “Horse in a Cup” just sounds much more delicious.

Not only is Horse in a Cup a newly best-selling phenomenon, but it is a drink that embraces all of the core values, such as “No Drinking.” Wait. Not that one. The “global citizenship” one. Inspired by the Chinese New Year, Horse in a Cup even comes with a free authentic chocolate fortune cookie. Really, who wouldn’t want a drink that comes with a free authentic chocolate fortune cookie?

My free authentic chocolate fortune cookie contained the advice, “Learn Chinese: Salt (yán).” Cryptic as this advice may seem, I now have the great joy of knowing even the smallest part of my destiny.

Depending on your caffeine tolerance, Horse in a Cup or another Java special could provide you with enough horse power to get through the rest of that essay (or Funnies article).  Next time you walk pasture friendly neigh-borhood coffee shop, it would behoove you to stop in and ask about this week’s special, advertised as “perfect for U&HER/HIM.”

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it a drink.

*This article not sponsored by Java Junction. Although the author could totally be bribed to write another promotional article if she got to name a drink. Her current favorite is “Squirrel in a Cup.”

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