Night of the Evil Pillows

So, I decided for today’s paper I ought to share with you a true story that happened to me last year.  In the moment it was insanely frustrating but today I am able to laugh at how ridiculous it was.  This actually has happened to me THREE TIMES, but I will just tell you about the most recent occurrence.

For about 20 seconds before I fall asleep, sometimes I am not yet dreaming, but my brain is already in autopilot and in a dream like state.  Anyways, one evening I had not studied for a test as much as I wanted, so I was dreading the test I would have to take the next morning.  So, I slipped into the half asleep yet was still conscious, but then my brain decided that I was (for some unknown reason) not aloud to fall asleep until I figured out a math problem to help me for my test.  I remember the problem being really challenging, but I was so close to figuring it out.  I kept imagining the problem and trying to do it in my head, but to no avail.  I kept trying to remember all of the calculus rules that I had learned, and became more and more frustrated.  All of a sudden I looked down at my pillows, and I saw that the two equations were written on my pillows.  I had to combine them.  I tried banging them together over and over.  This did not yield any results.  I then tried smacking them against my wall for quite a while.  They still would not combine!  I decided by setting them in my bed, and then running from and ramming my face with them they would combine.  To no avail!  I was getting frustrated and it was getting late, so I decided to just keep smacking them against each other…and then all of a sudden it hit me.  I knew how to solve the problem…of course…the feathers go on the outside of the pillow!  I tried ripping and biting my pillows as hard as I possibly could but turns out it’s really hard to rip a pillow.  I searched the room for scissors or something sharp but found nothing.  Finally I gave up hitting the pillows and trying to combine them and fell asleep.

Then I woke up, remembering clearly the entire night.  And all of a sudden, I realized the equation I was trying to solve looked something like this 54q6gJ&(_):oa +zzzzzzzd5664674qwerrttydfgh  and realized I had spent 5 HOURS or so hitting my pillows against things.  I also realized that the test was for media law and ethics and had NOTHING to do with math of any kind.  I had gotten a little over two hours sleep before a huge test, and did even worse on the test since the entire test I was angry that I had just spent 5 hours face ramming pillows like some crazed zombie.  Not only that, but it was the third time that this had happened.  Although my grade suffered, by now I am glad it happened to me, since at the very least I got a story out of this whole event.

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Written by Jacob Landis-Eigsti

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