New Year’s resolutions

As the incredibly epic-sounding year 2010 begins, it is a time of new beginnings, a time of reflection and, of course, a time of wondering why the Midwest is so gosh darn cold for six months.

As the year begins, I think of my hopes and dreams for myself and for Goshen College. Too often I make resolutions that are difficult to put into practice, so as an example I would like to share with you some resolutions I am trying to maintain this year with the hope that you will hold me accountable.

My first resolution is, of course, to not make any resolutions.  I can never carry through, so this year I’m not even going to try.
My second resolution is to wrestle a bear.  I had hoped to do this when I turned 18 as a sort of rite of passage into manhood, but no bear appeared.  I think it’s time to stop waiting for a bear to come to me and find the bear.
My third is to beat Starfox 64 using my feet.
My fourth is to quit stealing everyone’s laundry; it is a bad habit.
My fifth is to shave my roommate’s head in his sleep—maybe his eyebrows too.
My sixth is to learn to talk to animals.  Awesome.
My seventh is to go to Steak ‘n Shake without being reminded of the image of a steak shake.
My eighth is to grow a legendary mustache.
My ninth is to become a ninja.  A peaceful ninja, mind you.
And last but least, I hope to discover Atlantis.

For Goshen College, I can only hope that we can find the love in our heart to buy a chocolate fountain. Not one of those one-foot-tall fountains; I am talking about a 15-foot epic fountain that people could swim in. I’m sure at least one of the core values backs up this proposal. The bouncy castles last semester were a good first step.

Another good resolution for Goshen would be a scarier mascot.  I love maple leafs as much as anyone, but wouldn’t something like a T-Rex riding a whale, or a clown, or taxes be a far more terrifying mascot? Just a thought. I hope that with the realization of these resolutions, 2010 can be the best year since 1995.

Jacob Landis-Eigsti
Written by Jacob Landis-Eigsti

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