Dear Miss Maple, I’m in love with my best friend and I’m trying to give hints. I follow him around campus all the time, I steal all of his clothes and watch him sleep at 3 a.m. He still hasn’t gotten the hints, what do I do?   Sincerely, —  Lovestruck Bestie   Dear Lovestruck,  Honestly, he sounds overrated. What is love other than pain anyways? Romantic endeavors only end in tragedy. They’ll refuse to sign a prenup and then take all of your money after 10 years of marriage. The only appealing part of love is the food- if...

By Ana Yoder • October 13, 2022 • Funnies Emma Gingerich • October 13, 2022 • Funnies

Dear Miss Maple, Lately, I’ve been having some problems with my roommate, Barnabus. Barney and I were really good friends last year, and thought it made perfect sense to room together this year. So far, however, the roommate situation has not gone to play.  For starters, Barney doesn’t clean up after himself. His clothes are all over the floor, and he frequently orders pizza and just leaves the boxes on the ground. I’m pretty sure there’s mold on some of them, and an ant colony may be forming. Barney has yet to do any laundry, and his socks are exuding...

By Emma Gingerich • September 16, 2022 • Funnies Ana Yoder • September 16, 2022 • Funnies