Transgender Visibility Week runs from Nov. 13 – 19 and highlights education and advocacy for transgender individuals. As a student who has been out for six years now, I take pride in constantly advocating for trans education. While I appreciate this week of highlights, I want to point out how being transgender affects everyday life.

As a student at Goshen College, I never second-guessed my identity. I never questioned my safety as a transgender student. However, I didn’t realize how blind I was to the fact that not everywhere was like Goshen College. I work at a grocery store. I have worked there for two years and over the past summer, I got outed as transgender. I was outed by a woman whom I had never told I was transgender for my own safety. She told my deadname to all of my coworkers who didn’t know about my identity and called me a “man with a p****” to my face. Unfortunately, I had also been discouraged from reporting her to my boss because she was a union representative. I was told, “You would ruin her life,” but it felt like she ruined mine. I hadn’t told my parents what happened. I didn’t tell my boss until a week later.

After I told my boss, the issue grew bigger. My coworker told more people. This time, she told people I was “lying” about being a man and was really a woman. After that, most of my coworkers made fun of me behind my back. I had never felt so alone. In my entire life, I had never felt so guilty for being trans. I felt like I did something wrong to deserve this. I thought about what she had done all day, every day. 

I was the only transgender person at my job, so I had nobody to go to. I could talk to my friends at work about it, but all they said was, “I’m sorry.” For three months until school, I dreaded going to work. I felt nauseous. My heart felt so heavy. I was unbelievably sad all the time. I felt guilty. I was lonely. She plagued my thoughts from when I was awake until I went to bed that night. Sometimes I had nightmares about her.

Even after I came back to school, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t even say the word “transgender” anymore. I didn’t feel like Harry anymore. I missed who I was before the summer. I still felt so ashamed of my identity. I kept seeking out reasons to explain why she outed me, which also kept me up at night. 

I also felt guilty for letting this affect me for so long. I kept thinking, “Other people have it worse than you,” but being outed was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I couldn’t understand why I kept thinking about it. But the truth was, my coworker had taken my control. She exposed me in the most vulnerable and horrific way. It was my first time being outed. I felt lucky that I made it until 19 before I realized how hateful people could be, but nobody should ever think that way.

This is my first time telling this story publicly. Transgender Visibility Week means more to me now. Not only should we highlight this week for education and advocacy, but every week after. To support a transgender person during this week, ask for their story. You’ll find out that the majority of the time, trans people will be kind enough to share it with you. 

Transgender people share the same fundamental goals as everyone else. We all want to be safe, loved, understood and live life to the fullest. You do not need to completely understand what being transgender is to support it. And for every trans person who could be reading this: I see you, and I want to hear your story. Be kind and joyful. Life is too short for hate. Live to the fullest.