Dear Daniel Penner,
This email is in response to your Craigslist posting titled, “WANTED:Funnies page co-editor.”
If you still need someone to take the post, please keep me in mind. I have taken several important posts during my academic career at Goshen.
I’ve held some of these posts for weeks, but inevitably the local police come by and make me put them back into my neighbors’ lawns.
I understand that this co-editorship isn’t just about administration, though. I need to be funny as well. People are always telling me how funny I am. Just the other day, I went to the doctor’s office because my arm hurt.
“Doc, I hit my elbow bone,” I said, “and….”
She butted in impatiently and said, “Your humerus.”
I told her I wasn’t even trying.
She said my problem was probably psychosomatic and referred me to her colleague.
Soon I found myself fidgeting on the overstuffed chaise longue at the
adjoining psychoanalysis clinic. I tried sitting still and behaving,
but the bespectacled shrink frightened me to the point of incoherence.
When I unexpectedly leapt up to leave, he shouted out, “You’re
hysterical!” and wrote a prescription.
The medicine the doctor prescribed made me a bit woozy, so I decided
to walk home. I saw a few first-years whom I had never met before on a
bench on campus. As I walked past, I overheard one of them remark,
“Did he seem a bit funny to you?”
Later, I was telling my landlord that I wouldn’t be able to pay my
rent. “You have got to be kidding me!” he screamed, presumably with
delight. I told him that I was not kidding him. I really didn’t have
the money.
Please write soon.
-Nate Day
P.S. Send cash.
