Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh, hey!

That’s right folks; “Jingle Bells” was technically written for Thanksgiving. So strap into that sleigh and get ready to find out what Thanksgiving is all about. The food! 

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

a. Waddle around, peck at the ground.

b. Put on a thick face of makeup that rivals Marie Antoinette.

c. Hit snooze and roll back over.

d. You never get to wake up. You’re stuck marinating in your own filth in the dark confines of a can. You wait patiently for a brief glimpse of artificial light before you are mercilessly devoured.

Who is your celebrity crush?

a. The turkey pardoned by Joe Biden.

b. Miley Cyrus

c. Tow Mater

d. Voldemort

What is your preferred color palettepalate?

a. Tan

b. Red

c. White

d. Green

How would you describe yourself in one word?

a. Poultry

b. Showy

c. Reliable

d. Degenerate

What will you wear to Thanksgiving?

a. Your finest coat of feathers.

b. Cocktail attire.

c. Sweatpants.

d. Green ooze.

What is your favorite song?

a. “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

b. “Linger” by The Cranberries

c. “Smooth” by Santana ft. Rob Thomas

d. The Wii theme song

What is your reason for the holiday season?

a. You are unable to comprehend the concepts of time or language, much less a “holiday season.”

b. Giving the most lavish gifts.

c. Friends, family, fellowship.

d. Lying on the bathroom floor and going on TikTok to avoid social interaction.

If you answered mostly A, you’re a Turkey. Yes, a literal turkey. How did you learn how to read? Also, no worries; I think people are going with chicken this year. Trust me.

If you answered mostly B, you’re cranberry sauce. Sweet and beautiful, but lacking in substance.

If you answered mostly C, you’re mashed potatoes. Thick, good-natured, tried and true, you’re everyone’s favorite at the Thanksgiving table.

If you answered mostly D, you’re green beans, straight out of the can. You’re a soggy, mushy has-been who received a last-minute text invite.