Over winter break the bookstore was relocated, leaving behind a vacant spot in the middle of campus. Like many of you, I have been wondering what on earth they are going to do with this piece of prime real estate! After thinking it over, I have a few suggestions, all of which I hope are genuinely considered, even though this article is in the funnies section. I have to use my platform for something, right?

Suggestion #1: A yoga/dance studio. However many years ago, when they built the RFC, some randos decided it would be a good idea to build four racquetball courts. FOUR! What the heck?!? Who even plays racquetball anymore? Old people, that’s who. Not college students. Do you know how many young college students respond to the questions “What is your favorite sport?” and “What kind of athletic facilities do you think a college should have?” with racquetball? Zero. No offense to any senior citizens reading this, but what college students (who are paying tuition) really want is a yoga studio. Do you know how many students would take a yoga class at this institution? I know I would. And the space could easily double as a dance studio, where groups could practice for events, because currently, people are forced to practice in that awkward little space in front of ellipticals, which is less than ideal. And we can’t forget how this renovation would surely boost admissions; wouldn’t you want to go to a college with a yoga/dance studio? I know I would. 

Suggestion #2: A culinary classroom where we could have cooking classes. I think this would be cool, but it would definitely be on the pricier side. And in terms of practicality, I’m not sure how many people would actually want to take a cooking class….. Honestly, this is kind of a bad idea. Never mind. Please scratch this from The Record (ahaha, get it?) 

Suggestion #3: An extension of Java Junction. Okay, this idea actually has a lot of potential. The space is perfect, with all of those lovely windows. And, unlike the current location of Java, it is located centrally on campus, which means it is equally accessible to everyone, commuters and people living on campus alike! I also think it that community members would totally use it. And can we TALK about all the decoration potential? There is a lot. I mean, I can practically see it now: cozy couches and study nooks, student art everywhere, soft music playing in the background, two old friends who haven’t seen each other in ages chatting it up. Oh, and we could sell more food too! Like actual home baked goods. Cookies and brownies and coffee cake, on my! The possibilities are endless. 

Suggestion #4: A cat room. Nuff said. 

Suggestion #5: I was running out of ideas, so I googled “coolest features, college campuses”, and I found a very interesting article titled Dr. Kat’s List: Five Colleges with Awesome Amenities. I have no clue who Dr. Kat is, but I learned that the University of California San Diego has an on-campus thrift store. Isn’t that cool?! I’m not sure it would be super profitable, but we could combine it with the new Java Junction! A thrift store coffee shop. Innovative. Fresh. Unique.

It is my sincere hope that the administration considers all of these suggestions, except for number 2. Thank you.