Unquestionably amazing advice : Academics

Just in case anyone dares to ask about the validity of our advice again, here are my qualifications for this topic:

I am smarter than you.

In middle school, I came in 17th in the Indiana state chess tournament for my age group and United States Chess Federation rating range.

I have a 7.2 GPA.*

Following these tips will get your GPA closer to mine (nothing ridiculous, somewhere in the lower 5 range I’d expect) and your professors will love you.

Due dates are imaginary. The quicker you learn this, the quicker you’ll be successful.

If you need to miss class for whatever reason, just tell your professor and they will let you skip. At professor academy, they’re trained to be as understanding and accommodating as possible.

If you need something to listen to when studying, try ambient beehive sounds.

If you plagiarized your essay and are worried about the consequences, just write “I plagiarized” at the end of your essay. It looks way better if you confess right away.

I’ve seen a lot of videos online lately about how to stay motivated and productive. This is a terrible idea, since it is perfectly legal for you to be unproductive so long as you obtain a license.

A key component of a liberal arts education is giving up on your social life to focus on school work. Abandon everyone who knows you and focus on what really matters: getting a B+ in Academic Voice.

If your confused about “you’re” vs. “your” in an email too a professor, just use “ur.” The same applies for “to” and “too” — just use the numeral 2.

By the same token, don’t really worry about grammar that much — online grammar checking is mostly accurate I’m pretty sure.

If you need some extra cash, professors love it when you ask them for money — it makes them feel useful.

Do not do extra credit assignments. They are for nerds.