Dear Anna,

Today is March 18th, 2021 which is one year since we left campus because of the coronavirus and just over a year since we received the infamous message from Becky telling us to “hug a tree and kiss the ground.” Well I’ll be darned if I don’t follow an order from our fearless leader, so over the past year I can’t tell you how many grounds I’ve kissed. It’s become a bit of a problem because people don’t sweep all that often and honestly I’m surprised I haven’t heard other people complain about it. I can’t seriously be the ONLY one who’s been obeying Becky! Oh no maybe I am the only one… This is kind of embarrassing.

Ummm moving on!

I’m writing to you today to prepare you for some of the wackiest things that have happened to me over the past year and will happen to you this coming year. 

By far the hardest thing to get through this entire year was a group of celebrities covering Imagine by John Lennon. It doesn’t sound too bad, but be prepared because it’ll happen in about two weeks and believe me, it’s horrifying. The video is just famous person after famous person smiling knowingly into the camera and singing in a different key than the person before them. I shudder thinking back on that experience, but it has also made me what I am today, a stronger Anna.

After that, there were about six months that went by and in all honesty, nothing of note happened. Just your typical pandemic. 

Then came October! Let’s be real, I have already known that I’m an ~amazing~ test taker, but girl we completely ACED that covid test! Positive after only three tries, which is pretty darn good if I do say so myself. That third time really was the charm.

In a weird coincidence, not long after that, the administration let us know that they would graciously allow us to choose only two friends with whom we would hang out. You are probably thinking, “that’s easy, just choose your two roommates.” But boy oh boy did I NOT do that. When I read the email, I knew instantly that I wanted my two friends to be that one guy who never wears his mask in the weight room whose name I don’t know and whichever barista is working at Java at any given time. I’m so glad I went out on a limb with some bold statement friends and thus far it’s been a really fun semester and a half of being within six feet of my two besties. 🙂

Hmm what else. I guess Biden’s now president and there was an attempted coup at the Capitol Building, but that’s not super exciting. 

But you know what is exciting?! Mind control. And just last week, I received my very own microchip! (microchip, vaccine, whatever you call it). Honestly I’m excited, it’s been twenty years of making decisions by myself — it’ll be nice to have Bill Gates control me for awhile. He’s also like, really smart, so maybe he’ll help me get rich too??

Well, it seems like that brings us right back to the present. Good luck, Anna, on thriving this next year and I’ll see ya when it’s 2021! Though probably not because by then I’ll already be in 2022… 

Farewell Anna,