Since I know most all of you skip right over any other article and head directly to the Funnies page, I’m delighted to know that you are now reading this well thought-out piece.So allow me to introduce myself: My name is Anneliese Ulrich Baer (if I had been a boy, my name would have been Ulrich, so we can all be grateful that I’m not a boy).
I’m the new ‘Funnies’ editor for the Record (due to much desperation on the co-editors’ part and a long list of crossed out names), I’m a senior Bible, religion and philosophy major, I used to play soccer for the ever- steady-and-sure women’s soccer program here at GC, I live at Roof house (I’m sure I’ve seen a few of you there at different times), the worst off-campus house currently is Polo house, I’m from Missouri (please don’t hold it against me), and I currently have no plans for my immediate future (unless this job works out).
I’d like to also share with you my aspirations and parameters for the Funnies page this semester (and The Record, in general).
I’d love any and all help I can get. I was just informed that I’m not allowed to lie (even though this is the Funnies section) so most of the articles I had drafted previously will be re-edited and shorted dramatically (and now I will not be allowed to write multiple pieces on the upcoming enrollment of Selena Gomez at GC).
What you can take away from that is: all information presented in this section will be true (I cannot, however, vouch for the rest of the paper outside the Funnies section).
This includes, but is not limited to: Polo House’s status as worst-off campus house of the
decade, Roof house’s recently acquired status of “Sometimes Heated, But Also Sometimes Not,” the residents of Kulp (North, South, East, and West) apparently don’t wear pants, Goshen’s armpit Rubber House has now fully transitioned to Garden House, the new residents of Round house include track fanatic Timmy Boy, the Beefy Claytonium, lover of all things Lucas, and Derek.
I will personally take on the role of updating this campus weekly with insider information, the continuing trashing of Polo House, and providing you with a dose of “ha, that was kind of clever, I guess.”