Many Goshen College students did not have the opportunity to go on the chamber choir’s “great white north tour” for spring break. In response to numerous queries, I compiled a highly scientific list of hypothetical arguments that may help students who are already planning for next year’s spring break, having already outlasted the euphoria left over from a beautiful respite from all things academic.

NOTE: No one actually got said elusive respite – everyone knows “spring break” is really a secret government code name for “catch up on homework” or “do this really big, special, spring-break-sized project.”

In defense of “Flori-San Fran-etc.-Cun”:

1. Temperatures will most likely exceed 30 degrees. The sun will also be visible. Be forewarned – the shock caused by these phenomena may induce ridiculously good times.

2. Beach parties are a good pick-me-up after the first half of the spring semester.

3. Meeting lots of different kinds of people can be totally fun.

4. You and a few friends will undoubtedly share countless wild adventures, the memories of which you will cherish a lifetime.

In defense of “Great White North Choir Tour”:

1. It’s not really spring. It’s not really a break. Therefore, you get to look forward to the real spring break, which starts May 21.

2. You get to wake up to the sunrise, which few college students ever see. Flipside: you are waking up REALLY flippin’ early, which is a real killjoy.

3. Meeting lots of different kinds of Mennonites can be a wicked good time.

4. You and 31 friends will undoubtedly share countless hours on a bus. You may get claustrophobic, which is a blast. You will also go a little crazy while imagining your other friends’ wild adventures, and as the tour progresses, your powers for memory will atrophy to the point that you forget you ever did anything besides choir tours. This is similar to attaining nirvana, except way sweeter.

5. You may get off at a rest stop and have no idea which state you are in. This is also similar to attaining nirvana, but a little more unsettling. You may then proceed into the rest station, only to look out the window and see two giant wild turkeys looking back at you. These turkeys may be the most interesting thing you have seen for days, and you may feel the need to run outside and spook them in order to see them spread their wings. Your heart may pound with exhilaration as you run out into the snow and dash around the corner of the building. Your face may fall as you round the bend and realize that turkeys hate choral singers slightly less than flying. You may watch dejectedly as you watch the turkeys scuttle away on the ground, remembering too late that the only thing turkeys hate more than flying is Flori-San Fran-Puerto-Punta-Cana-Cun.