Oh, freshman year. A time of excitement and opportunity. A time when nothing quite feels real and you always have the excuse, “I’m just a freshman.” A time when you realize just how much you’d take seeing a crockpot on the counter at your mom’s house over whatever the Rott is serving. 

Ana and I (and our friends) were on a bit of a rollercoaster ride our first year. Here are some things we wish someone had told us when we were new:

1.Don’t set your expectations for community bathrooms too high. I was naive and assumed that by living on a girls’ floor, the bathrooms would be kept in relatively clean shape. That is a dangerous assumption. 

Women are apparently capable of producing abhorrent messes and leaving them. Enormous t*rds that take at least three flushes to get sucked into the vortex, unflushed toilets filled with unspeakable excrements, stains (and maybe urine!??) on the floor, hair in the showers (that one was expected). 

My blatant sexism was definitely put in check during my first semester. Women only keep ~marginally~ cleaner bathrooms than men. 

2. Don’t smash fruit from the music center roof. You might think, “oh, I have this watermelon. It would be so funny to just drop it off a roof and watch it explode hahaha” but you will not be laughing when the music center becomes infested with ants because of the delectable juice bar outside. Chad Coleman, I don’t know who was responsible for this “prank” last year, I just heard about it….

3. The one book you read in ICC has a pretty graphic… uhhh… intimacy scene. Be prepared. 

4. Never miss Sunday brunch at the Rott. Thinking of quiche gets me through my week. 

5. Respect quiet hours. If you are a male on a female floor past 11, do not blow a vuvuzela right in front of the RA’s door. That will definitely land you a meeting with the RD. 

6. Be a little self-conscious. It’s easy to get intoxicated off your new-found freedom and think that you are above the law, exempt from the judgment of society. Nobody wants to come back from a long night of studying at the library and get caught in the crossfires of an intense, 4-person, cross-dorm Nerf gun fight.

7. If you have no homework and are looking for a way to fill a Saturday, check out our very own Fruit Vent on the north side of the Science Building. It’s a great gathering place for dudes who like to prove they played baseball in high school. The Vent was even voted the top science and technology business in the 2022 Goshen News Best of the Best Awards!

8. Late hot girl night walks are essential to mental health. Just make sure you bring a buddy!

9. Be open to spontaneity. Sometimes you might just find yourself in Chicago cause you wanted a deep dish on Wednesday night of finals week. 

10. College is fun! Treat it as such.