In early November, Jonah Yoder became a sweaty burrito.After falling through a ceiling, he had to wear a back brace. His loving housemates thought the back brace was akin to a tortilla holding everything together and referred to him as a sweaty burrito, therefore creating his new identity.
“The best part about being a sweaty burrito would be the fact that I could push something towards someone and they would pick it up for me,” said Yoder.
Another perk Yoder found was being able to lie on the couch, grunting and asking for things, which his friends brought to him willingly.
“The worst part about being a sweaty burrito was the fact that I could not go anywhere without going with someone else,” said Yoder.
Yoder couldn’t lift anything more than five pounds, including his backpack. Instead, his super cool friends accompanied him to and from class, carrying his things.
“Being a sweaty burrito was a very trying and yet inspirational time in my life,” said Yoder. “I learned things about myself and about who my real friends were.”
Yoder elaborated on what he learned about himself, saying, “I learned that I can use my feet for more uses than I thought I could.” He’s proud of his new ability to pick up items with his feet.
If one desires to be a sweaty burrito, Yoder recommends getting plastic casing, like the back brace he had (if one has the money).
“If you don’t have the money for that, I feel like a piece of cardboard would work pretty well,” said Yoder. “Or maybe a bunch of layers of plastic wrap.”
Yoder felt that, to an extent, being a burrito was akin to being a child again.
“I wouldn’t necessarily say I was swaddled [by my burrito casing]. More like entrapped,” Yoder said. “I became a lot more dependent on other people, and like I said before, I didn’t really use my words when I was in that state.”
Yoder embraced his burrito status, but said he thinks being a sausage would also be a fitting analogy.
Now, Yoder has transformed from sweaty burrito back to his regular, bendy self.
Already, his friends are telling him to “use his words” when asking for things. Gone are the days when he could grunt and people would comply.
Now that Yoder is back to normal, he said he doesn’t miss the days of being a burrito.
“I think the fact that I was being suffocated to death on a regular basis outweighed the benefits of making people do things for me,” said Yoder.
Instead, Yoder recommends eating smothered burritos at your local restaurant.
“Go out and enjoy a sweaty burrito today,” he said.