Shock waves trembled through the community last week, when on Feb. 2, Groundhog Day, Goshen College did the unthinkable and modified one of its most time-honored establishments nearly beyond recognition. Yes, the unthinkable has been thought: They changed the Internet.

GC’s On Campus page had remained unchanged for what most students assume to be eternity. Now, however, the On Campus page has become “MYGC,” a friendly-looking portal that offers the exact same services as before.

Of the four classes, the seniors are having the most difficult time adjusting. I visited with senior Isaac Yoder-Schrock to see how the change would affect our beloved seniors. The following is his response to using the new website for the first time.

“It used to be, and now it’s,” said Yoder-Schrock, “How am I supposed to remember that? And why don’t my parents call me more often?”

When the page loaded, Yoder-Schrock was noticeably startled by the new layout. “All these acronyms. What does MYGC even stand for? Back in my day, acronyms stood for something, you know?”

“Where’s my online mail? I can’t find it,” said Yoder-Schrock. “Why did it have to change? It was perfect the way it was. I can’t find anything. Actually, I couldn’t find anything before, either.”

Seniors are already the demographic with the most technological trouble, and experts fear that this mild change might unduly disrupt their barely-competent computer skills.

This is not, however, the only issue bothering seniors today. Crowds of the academic elderly can be seen flocking to the dining hall at 4:30 in the afternoon.

“I just want to make sure I get the green beans when they’re still warm,” said Emily Bowman, a senior. “They’re so nice when they’re still warm. And that Trudy, isn’t she nice? She’s such a dear.”

“I sent my grandparents a thank-you card for Christmas,” complained Alisha Bender, a senior. “The least they could have done is sent some money!”

When interviewed about the aging population, campus concerns were clear:

First-years: “The seniors can’t even remember our names. They must be going senile.”

Sophomores: “We’re afraid they won’t be around much longer…”

Juniors: “We’re getting up there in years too, you know.”

Faculty and staff: “They’ll soon go on to a better place: the workforce. May they live forever with God.”

If you have time this week, consider spending some time with the elderly at the senior apartments, conveniently located as close to both Florida and Greencroft as possible while living on campus.

By Nate Day

Funnies Editor