I see you. Yeah, you, who just picked up this copy of the Record, skimmed the front page and then flipped to the Funnies section. You intend to go back and maybe look at the articles that look interesting…if you feel like it.

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m just speaking for myself. I apologize to Siana and literally every other Record editor-in-chief. You do great work that some of us are just prone to get distracted from — like we get distracted from our parents’ explanations of how car insurance premiums work or our friend’s suggestion that we should give blood. (I’m pretty sure I’m a universal donor, but I just keep pretending I don’t know that fact so I don’t feel morally obligated by it…)

The human species, myself included, just tends to gravitate towards the light-hearted and superficial before drifting back to the “real” issues we should care about. You know you’ve done it too.

When you’re watching Netflix, you scroll past the “Cerebral Documentaries” (whatever the heck that means) to get back to watching the same episode of “The Office” for the tenth time. (You know, the one where Michael Scott says something that should get him fired for sexual harassment? Oh wait, that’s like every episode…)

Anyway, I apologize to you too, documentaries, and every serious art form that I haven’t taken seriously, interpretive dance and goat yoga included. And I’m committed to being serious about being funny this semester, as editor of the Funnies page.

That said, as I contemplated taking on the job of the Funnies Editor for the Record again (and take on for the last time a nickname I gave myself based on a movie I’ve never watched,) a sad realization struck me. More people are likely to read whatever silly stuff I skim off the top of my head and throw into a funny article than will ever read my senior history thesis, which I’m set to sacrifice so much blood, sweat, and tears to. (The blood will come in large part from paper cuts.)

And since we already know that everybody reads the next-to-last page of the Record first, I should really consider what this page can do for the greater good of society:

#1: As you’re about to read in the next article, you can learn to question your love of overpriced pizza. You can contemplate better ways to spend your money, such as on dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets or streaming a good documentary, which…

(On second thought, this should be) #1: I’m hoping to provide you with some sick documentary suggestions, as I consider myself something of a docu-vangelist. Suggestion of the week: “Three Identical Strangers.” Synopsis: Identical triplets are separated at birth and at first are like, “This is awesome,” then like, “Maybe this isn’t so great…” and then like, “Maybe somebody orchestrated a multi-decade, morally questionable experiment to mess with our lives???”

(If we’re being really real, this is) #1: Hopefully the Funnies page will illuminate Goshen College’s best students to laugh at (in the best way possible). When I said, “I see you” at the beginning of this article, I meant it quite literally. I’m on the lookout for humorous talent, and if I so much as see you sneeze in a way that gets your friends to laugh, I’m going to have an email addressed in the next minute with your name in the recipients line and “Funnies?!?!?!?!?!?” in the subject line.

Because if people aren’t willing to laugh at your jokes, people aren’t willing to take you seriously.