This past week I didn’t have the greatest success with my social interactions. I accidentally told someone to “have fun” at the funeral they were going to. I met with the Mayor of Goshen, Jeremy Stutsman, for a class project and my fly was down the whole time. I realized halfway through the meeting, but at that point you can’t just stand up and readjust. Even trying to do anything under the table is risky since an irregular bump, slip or zip might be completely misinterpreted. So I feigned ignorance and left the barn door open, kept on sellin’ hotdogs, opened up the road to Jerusalem. I was gonna make a circumcision joke here, but you gotta cut it off somewhere.
I went to an accounting job fair recently with some other classmates. There were a bunch of firms of all different sizes and students from a range of colleges. I could immediately pick out all the dunderheads from IWU. There they stood, Starbucks in hand, with their pocket protectors doing whatever pocket protectors do, leading the morning prayer. Well, I ended up cutting those buffoons (and everyone else) in line to talk to the firms. But, it’s not what it seems. I honestly didn’t know there were lines—I thought people were just feebly milling around in the middle, too scared to walk up to the booth. When I got to the front of the line (which was immediately, obviously), I started to try and sell my soul away. The lady at the booth asked me why I was interested in their firm. Now this first question rattled me. I froze with fear in my eyes like a contestant not knowing the first question to “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” I stumbled through a punchy answer, speaking at a fourth-grade level, throwing in the word “tremendous” a lot, and praying that if it worked for Trump it can work for me. Of course, the IWU homunculi had binders full of facts about each firm and were able to brown nose their way through all the questions. For those of you who don’t know, a brown-noser is an arse-kisser with bad depth perception.“Why are you interested in this firm?” Frankly I thought this a rather odd question to ask an accounting student at a job fair. Some people think there are no stupid questions. But asking a student why they’re at a job fair is like asking how to communicate with a blind person. Pretty obvious questions unless you’re in attendance at Indiana Wesleyan University, or apparently the average corporate schmuck.
Believe it or not I got an interview that day with a firm. And lucky for you I’m going to share my dirty little secret how. It’s all about confidence. You are a millennial. It is your God-given right to that job. Some may say millennials are spoiled, egocentric, social media addicts and instant gratification seekers. You know what? They’re right! We’re exactly like the generation before us, and the generation before them… and soon we’ll be the ones controlling the workforce and running America. Some might try and argue there are generational differences. Which is true — millennials have approximately one less Donald Trump than Baby Boomers.
When you get asked why you deserve an interview with their firm, do what I did and tell them straight up that you’re the best candidate there. Later during the interview, make sure you come across as entitled as you are. For example, you could try walking in and saying, “I’m glad you got the unique opportunity to interview me today.” If they ask you about strengths and weaknesses just answer the first part of the question and ignore the second part that doesn’t apply to you.
Most graduates have trouble right out of college. Here’s the thing, companies are looking for the well-rounded critical thinker that you are. Your very presence at their company is beneficial. You may feel the job search is a little stressful at times, but just think about LeBron James, who sometimes gets as many interviews as you and he doesn’t crack.
