Hi, this is Ted Maust calling for Howell House and we’d like to announce that Matt Lehman is expecting a food baby shortly.

–Ted Maust

My name is Chloe MV and I like to parteeeeeeee.

–Mikey Ruth

To whoever is knocking over lamp poles on campus, please find a more constructive outlet.

–Noah Weaverdyck

This is Ali Fretz, Nathan Stanley and Rikky Entrakin and we have to say: Avada Kedavra!

–Ali, Nathan and Nick

This Ali Fretz and I say that it’s ‘Leviosa’ not ‘Leviosaaa’

–Ali Fretz

Ali Fretz is the worst witch ever. This is Nathan Stanley.

–Nathan Stanley (who forgot to hang up and recorded for almost 2 min. extra)

This is Hannah Clemmer and I really love small hats.

–Nathan Stanley?

This is Nathan Stanley… (something about paper?)

–Ali Fretz

Finders, keepers, losers, weepers. Kevin Gary.

–Jake Miller

Hi, this is Austin Sprunger and I would like to say that the bus stop is a grrreat resource. This is actually Nick Entrakin calling as Austin Sprunger.

–Rikky Entrakin calling as Austin Sprunger

I’m Nathan Stanley and I’ve just gotta say that the bus stop is a great place to hang out. Over and out. (Daddy Beaver?) Check check. One two three. Hot route.

–Nathan Stanley

White laces on my shoes, warm socks on my feet, ultra fresh jacket, got jeans on my knees. This is Ben Adam. My name is Ben Adam. Pressure on, pressure on, chillin’ with us. Chillin’ in the clouds, this is Jimmy Nimbus. This is James Green.

–James Green

Hi. This is Rachel. I’m just calling to say that spring—that fall break is a great time for renewal, and I’m glad that we have this time. To bond, and love each other. Except that we really miss Susie Lambright. This is Kate Walker. I’d just like to say—this is Hannah Roth—and I’d just like to say that fall break is a great time to catch up on your favorite television shows, especially Sesame Street. And I would just like to say that fall break is a great time to write you resume and work ahead on schoolwork. That was Leah Lehman! (shrieks of laughter)

–Rachel Mast, Hannah Roth, Kate Walker and Leah Lehman

Oh, Hi there, This is Mikey Ruth, just calling to let everyone know on campus that if everyone throws one dollar in a pot, we can get David Weigner to shave his whole face. Just puttin’ that out there.

–Mikey Ruth

Hi, this is Mikey again, I’m sorry, I forgot to clarify where to send the money to. People can put money, one dollar a piece, in campus mail addressed to Mikey Ruth for Waffle House. Thank you.

–Mikey Ruth

Hi, this is in reference to last week’s article on kayaking. That boy looks gooood with his shirt off. If anyone deserves to walk around campus with his shirt off, it’s him. Is this inappropriate? I’m sure he has a great personality too. Sidenote, where was Jake Miller’s phone call last week? Also, we will miss Michael Neumann’s comics but we appreciate Daniel Penner’s advice.

–Mary Bachman (and some of her roommates?)

Hi, this is Jake Snyder and I’d just like to say that why do we criticize Goshen’s policies? We should just be praying for ‘em.

–Jake Snyder

This is Davy Weigner calling to say that I think we need more zambonies on campus. That’s all.