Hi, this is Jared Miller and I wanted you to know that I just love alumni weekend because there are so many, ya know, alumni.

– Jared Miller (most likely Ted Maust)

Even though I’m from Nebraska, lets be honest; no one cares about Nebraska. Okay, bye!

– Allegedly Carlin Epp (definitely Daniel Barwick)

Hi, this is Carlin Epp calling. If I said that Nebraska sucks earlier, obviously I’m wrong. Also, Ohio State is the worst.

– Carlin Epp

Oh hey inside/outside voices, this is Daniel Barwick and Jared Miller and we just want to say that Rubber is the place to be. Whether you need a friend or a place to stay, Marshal’s room is always wide open!

– Daniel Barwick and Jared Miller

Hi, this is Jared Miller calling to say that Michael Darby, excuse me, Michael “the Hammer” Darby, is the coolest person I’ve ever met. That’s all.

– Allegedly Jared Miller (definitely Luke Slagel)

So Waterford is kind of taking over Inside/Outside voices and I am not appreciative; other non-Waterford members, we need to representation.

– Grant Miller