My first year of college, I downloaded Co-Star for my daily horoscope as a joke. After having that app for a while, I realized that consulting the stars wasn’t as hard as I thought. I began to ask, or rather shout, to the stars to seek guidance. They told me things like “Shut up,” “Go to bed,” and the most interesting: “You’re a nuisance to this neighborhood, my kids are trying to sleep.” I didn’t know the stars were so close and personal!After spending time with the stars this week, I was able to come up with horoscopes for each sign.
Aries. Take a second and check in with yourself. It’s been a long week. Something you should do to help is to take a little nap. Don’t worry about setting an alarm — you can build trust with yourself by naturally waking up in time for your next commitment.
Taurus. You’re one stubborn son of a gun. The fact that you’re stubborn is your conscience telling you that you’re always right. Take this to heart this week in all of your conversations and let others know that the stars told you it’s okay to be a little bit of a jerk.
Gemini. Do you know what you need in your life right now? It may not seem like it, but you should pick up another project. Work on learning something new this week, like playing the banjo or training the hawks that live in the trees in Schrock Plaza to bring you little gifts.
Cancer. This week you want to give into your guilty pleasures. Listen to the music your friends tell you is cringe or watch that movie or TV show that aged horribly. Avoid stepping on cracks this week — rumor has it that your mothers back will break if you’re not careful.
Leo. You love attention. It could be a good idea to go shopping in an outfit that you don’t want anyone to see. Think about that shirt that’s stained from a painting project paired with pants that are just a little too short. You’ll get the attention you’re seeking.
Virgo. You’ve been working hard on organizing your life recently. Things may be feeling good, but what if you added spontaneity? To throw off your schedule: become obsessed with Minecraft for the next two weeks. The library has some good consoles to support this fixation.
Libra. Have you been feeling like a main character recently? The stars say “chill.” Remember that it’s still winter in Goshen, so if something doesn’t go your way, that’s probably not for story development — it’s to bring you back down off the clouds you’re riding on.
Scorpio. Have you been feeling like a main character recently? You literally are one. Find yourself an edgy playlist to listen to on your way to work or classes, smile at everyone you meet and skip or gallop to classes — you’ve earned it.
Sagittarius. As a fire sign, you’re on a quest for knowledge. You’re going to be an academic weapon this week, but only if you lock into your grindset. Don’t be afraid to hit the books this week. Post about your studies on social media to let people know they can’t mess with you.
Capricorn. Everything feels intense right now. Avoid putting things off until the last second and start working on projects when you hear about them. After your work, don’t be afraid to reward yourself with a sweet treat.
Aquarius. This week you feel like a loser. It seems like you place too much value on other peoples’ ideas about you. Embrace your individuality by carrying around the largest speaker you own and playing your music at top volume as you traverse campus.
Pisces. You’re seeking something right now. Go ahead and treat yourself to some retail therapy and find yourself a cool new shirt, or, you could focus on something more Maslow-like and find yourself someone to affirm you to the next level of your hierarchy of needs.
The stars were so wise this week! Hopefully you can graze some wisdom from them as you go through the next week. If your horoscope’s not what you want to hear, don’t shoot the messenger, take it up with the stars.