Hello, my name is Hannah and I have homophoniosis.

This is when one lacks the ability to detect spelling mistakes and wrong homophones in one’s writing. Symptoms include feeling like a fool. It’s not that I lack the ability to proofread, it’s just that when I am rereading something, my brain’s on too much of a role for select errors to stop it and I remain oblivious. (See, I didn’t even do that intentionally!)

I have suffered the repercussions for a while. The best way to way to realize you’ve done something wrong is to listen for the laughter of someone who just figured out what you were trying to say.

In fifth grade, our class was making get-well cards, and mine said “Thinging of you!” Once, I emailed the adults in my church about someone no longer “precipitating” in an event. I found my college application essay to Goshen over break and read it—it had a blatant spelling error even with mom-check. At least I was accepted.

I have gotten my fair share of papers back with things circled like “throne not thrown,” “versus not verses,” and general “???”. To any professor reading this, sorry, it’s not that I don’t care about your class, it’s just my eyeballs and my brain need some conflict mediation. My brain basically does whatever the duck it wants.

I hate to use the analogy of Sarah Palin, but my brain likes to go rogue, and no appendage or advisor can control us or stop our fearless buffoonery. But thank goodness for Tina Fey, friends and laughter. Cause we all couldn’t live without them!

In my ideal world we could submit orb clouds of our ideas and imaginations in place of papers. It would be a communication upgrade, if you ask me. The visuals, understandings, and spot-on voicing would all be there. You could even include correlative funny animal pictures with the appropriate noises, and transcend language and words!

However, it’s not going to happen on this planet. Here we must search for human words and pretend we can spell. All the hundred-plus funny animal photos will remain on my iPad with their respective noises in my head. But there is hope for others like me—I know you are out there, we’ll just find the right thing to learn.

I am majoring in biology with a minor in music. It’s great! I learn how to interpret sound from dots and get to imagine how creatures live, all without words (most of the time)! I’ll leave you to your Rott lunch or coffee with this: even if they’re important, ledders aren’t everything.