Recently I was informed by the higher ups of our most gracious Record Staff that my previous column read more like a perspectives piece than a funnies column.

I was shocked. My entire identity had been challenged. I’m a funny guy… right? If I’m not funny… am I even human?

I knew that my next column had to be funny, otherwise, I might have to give up my spot for yet another out-of-context Paul Keim quote.

I was pacing my room fervently, searching my brain for my next great idea. It wasn’t until my full bladder, courtesy of my Hydroflask, caught up with me and I retreated to the bathroom that I figured it out. And all I had to do was walk to the sink and look into the mirror.

Let me explain. 

This past Sunday, I attended church with my parents. After the service ended at 11:00, we made our way back home.

As we walked, my parents asked if I had been to el Parque de Bicentennial.

I said no, and so they decided now would be the perfect time to go.

So we made our way over to the park, a short ten minute walk.

The Bicentennial was amazing. A fun fact: the park used to be the main airport of Quito. Another fun fact: the reason it got turned into a park was because the runway was too short, and one too many planes couldn’t stop soon enough before they bumped their noses.

The runway goes on an awfully long way (but not long enough for planes apparently) and you can just keep walking and not even think about it.

Mi padres y yo were an hour in when we decided to turn around. Now up until this point, the sun had been at our backs, but as we turned around, the sun clicked in direct alignment with my forehead.

It wasn’t until a little later, when I started to feel a lil warm on my forehead, that I realized I forgot one little thing when I left the house. 


So now my red forehead shines like the Quito sun and is peeling like a locally grown Ecuadorian banana.