As an integral cog in the machine that is intramural sports at Goshen College, I have a bird’s eye view of all athletic events that take place under the intramural umbrella. But as anyone who regularly plays intramural sports knows, I rarely participate in the games myself. This is for the best. It’s not that I’m uncoordinated, I’m just for the most part athletically incompetent.

I know what you’re thinking, yet another list of Seth Wesman making a fool of himself, but this one is completely dedicated to my area of expertise, SPORTS!!!

My baseball career was one marked by many amusing moments. The very first game of organized baseball I ever played saw a five year-old Seth run over the catcher on a play at the plate that really wasn’t that close. I was then informed that base runners are not allowed to collide with the catcher in coach-pitch baseball. I was called safe though so I think it was worth it. And aren’t rules more like general guidelines instead of written in stone anyway?

My pitching career was a short one. I’ve always been blessed with a strong arm; the only problem is that I tend to lose control of where I’m throwing. This didn’t stop every coach I’ve ever had attempting to make me into a reliable pitcher. The only start I ever made in my life came when I was nine years old and it only lasted 1.1 innings. Apparently little league has a rule that you can only hit so many batters before you are removed from pitching. In the first inning I loaded the bases with a trio of hit batters before striking out the side. I started the next inning off by striking out the leadoff batter before plunking my fourth batter and being pulled from the game.

And when it comes to soccer I’m not much better. I recently apologized to a person for my having to referee one of their intramural soccer games. They seemed perplexed by my apology because apparently I did a good job of being unbiased. *whew* But the reason for my apology was because my grasp on the rules of soccer has not always been the best. I’m fairly certain that I would have set the Ohio High School Athletic Association record for most fouls and yellow cards in a career. My conduct during a corner kick against a rival team my seventh grade year is proof of my inability to comprehend that elbows shouldn’t be thrown during a soccer match.

Contact sports aren’t the only ones that lend themselves to my brand of athletic prowess. My half a season on the golf team as a senior was basically me yelling, “FORE!” as my shots careened away from the intended target and towards the poor souls on the adjoining fairway. I also received more than my fair share of surprised looks from the well dressed gentleman stunned to see some kid walking around a golf course rocking Converse All Stars.

Before you go thinking, “Wow this kid is in NO way qualified to work intramural sports” please remember that I am, and I quote, “unbiased.” I’m perfectly qualified to work intramurals, just generally not qualified to compete in them.