I wrote this article in a much happier time. I was tempted to change it but have decided to leave it as is. Joy and humor will always exist in the world. May you find it and hold on to it forever.

We have made it to the point of the semester when all the projects we forgot about are suddenly due tomorrow. Academic stress is unavoidable even if you do not identify as a procrastinator. Every year we all make resolutions to actually do homework on fall break, but then one day we wake up, break is over, and nothing is done. Productivity is like completing Mahara portfolios; it is very hard to achieve and will determine whether or not you graduate. At least Mahara doesn’t exist in the real world. As a graduate of the esteemed ICC, and master of unusual working habits, I will grant you with this advice.

1. Posture is important. Change up your study body positions. I feel more productive if I arrange my limbs in a more original fashion as demonstrated above. I am then better able to channel the spirit of the domestic house cat and original ideas can flow through me. This strategy also causes my blood to navigate new twists and turns which increase its thinking power. My blood then transfers this higher thinking power to my brain. (Please consult your doctor before beginning this or any physical movement.)

2. Explore Goshen! First branded by the Admissions Department, this phrase is not only for prospies. Break out of your cave and discover new places to get work done; you may be surprised how well this works and where you end up. If you haven’t tried to open every door in the library – do it. Reading rooms of other departments are also great places to inhabit. The rooms are usually quiet except for the occasional snores of someone sleeping on the couch. And embodying the lingering personas of that particular major may be what you need to get stuff done. If anyone is confused why you are there, just pretend you have had that major all along and have every right to be there.

3. Breaks are great! Procrastination is okay in moderation. I live for breaks; pastime is my favorite time.  Don’t know what to do? Here are my suggestions for you. Sharing funny videos of animals with your friends, in my humble opinion, makes everything better: mood, health, friendships, grades… everything. Go find families taking professional photos and see how much you can photo bomb their photos before they see you; it’s great fun. Or start singing in your common living space and see how many people join you. If those don’t work, there are also the classics, like intentionally trying not to think of penguins or making a low pitch humming noise until someone realizes it’s not a mechanical problem.

4. Aspire to be inspired. …Uh sorry I honestly don’t have many words of advice for you about this. Sometimes you just have to do what you don’t want to do. My tactics are complain, get on Facebook, notice the google doodle has a game, complain, get it done, then lay on the floor, eat popcorn, and then complain one last time.

5. Do your own thing. Who cares what I do? I don’t, what about yourself? If you only take one thing from this funnies article, take this: you know yourself more than any other person. As Roxette used to say, “Listen to your heart, there’s nothing else you can do.” (I apologize for now getting that song stuck in your head, as I had no attentions in distracting you – but then you did have time to read this article). All in all, you have the answers to be more productive. They’ve been inside you all along.