Suppose you’re a bright-eyed senior in high school just itching to arrive at GC to start the magical journey that is college here in The Maple City. But, alas, you must make one of the most important decisions of your entire life: which residence hall to live in. 

Well fret no longer! As two GC seniors, we have put together a comprehensive argument to which residence hall is the best option.

As a high school student, I had heard the stories, the legends, the legacies. Friends and relatives all had tales of when they had passed through the iconic dormitory. The hallways practically called out the names of those that had come before (and they definitely do give off the scent of those who have come before as well). 

No, I’m not talking about Miller. While this isn’t a bad place to be, centrally located and all, it just doesn’t hold the same esteem of the hall that I speak of. Also, it’s been overrun by COVID sickies. So it’s not normally a very happy place. 

And, of course, I’m definitely not talking about Kratz. Obviously inferior with their tile floors, no closets and regular boring windows. Direct your attention instead to the other four Yoder floors. 

The dorm I speak of is none other than Yoder — well, Yoder 3 North to be specific. With its comforting, carpeted hallways, its durable metal bunk beds, and, of course, the iconic stone bay windows, Yoder is the only residence hall a future GC student should be thinking of. 

My parents, my friends’ parents, siblings, cousins, even my own pastor lived in Yoder. And let’s not forget about the legendary triple bunks; these, although dreaded by some, are an absolute pleasure and efficient use of space, not to mention the bond for life that you share with your triple bunk mates (S/o to Ben Zimmerman and Connor Wyse for being my OG triple bunkies). 

– Denver’s argument: a case for Yoder 3

You may be asking why Yoder 3 north? Why not Yoder 2 or Yoder 3 South? Well, let me run you through it, my cherished reader. 

Yoder 1 is out for obvious reasons: it’s literally a basement and smells like one too. No offense Yoder 1 folks, but the easy access is not worth it. Yoder 4, although I cherished my time there sophomore year, is out of the question for the unbelievable amount of stairs that it takes to arrive there. 

It really comes down to the age old question: Yoder 2 and 3, which is better? 

My counterpart will argue that Yoder 2 is superior. This is simply false. Yoder 2, while it is a fine place to live and learn, is not the best option. With such close proximity to Yoder 1, that basement smell and feel are all too close, and the views of KMY are just not up to the exceptional level of Yoder 3. 

Yoder 3 is in that sweet spot of just enough stairs to keep one in shape, and not too many that you question if sleeping in a bed is worth the mountain of stairs that you are climbing. 

And Yoder 3 North is obviously superior to South, due to its proximity to the beautiful melting pot and gathering place that is the dorm connector. 

Did I live in this dorm, you might ask? Yes, yes I did, but I believe the above argument is completely void of any bias whatsoever. Yoder 3 North is the optimal place to live, not only for all the reasons listed above, but for the prestige, honor, and general enrichment that it brings to the lives of its residents. 

– Leah’s argument: the case for Yoder 2

How can anyone truly say that any other dorm is better than Yoder 2? It’s just false facts at that point. 

I personally don’t have a North/South preference. I lived on Y2S my first year and Y2N my sophomore year. The experience was essentially the same: pure happiness, ease and cleanliness. 

Denver has already extensively stated why Yoder is simply the only option for upcoming frosh, and I can get behind a lot of what he said in the beginning, up until the bashing of Yoder 2. Nobody speaks about my beloved hall like that. Now I feel that I must share my own experiences with Yoder 3. 

Unlike my co-editor, I cannot find it in my heart to give this floor a first place finish. 

Keep in mind, this is a boy’s floor and with boys comes a certain smelly scent that really doesn’t go away. It hovers in the air for weeks. 

Upon entrance to Yoder 3, you also run the risk of  being hit by a stray nerf bullet, stepping on a random hotdog just chilling in the hall, or getting run over by boys riding down the hall on their scooters and boards singing “September” at the top of their lungs.  

Again, the true winner can be none other than Yoder 2. Do you understand how many icons have come out of this floor?

Myself being one, of course, but also your amazing fall semester funnies editors, Eli and Erica. You know Seth Smith Kauffman? Well his older sister (and my personal favorite Smith Kauffman sibling), Madeline, once roamed the Yoder 2 hall. And everyone’s favorite executive editor of the Record, one Sierra Ross Richer. I could go on — there are literally thousands.

Another Yoder 2 advantage: very few steps. This makes moving in and out super easy and manageable. And inevitably, when you’ve overdone it at an intramural volleyball game, it’s much easier to get to your room. 

I also reconnected with one of my best friends on this very floor, Gabi Klopfenstein. Lasting relationships were made. Memories were formed. Who is to say that the same won’t happen to you? All you have to do is put “Yoder 2” on your GC application.