Please, consider the squirrels

Please, consider the squirrels

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a squirrel? I know I have. What would it be like to have such a fluffy tail? To have such a hankering for nuts? I think it would be freeing, in many ways. There would be no homework, and your biggest concern would be whether or not the chipmunks beat you to your loot. Not to mention that the world is kind to the squirrels. Or at least Goshen College is.

OR IS IT?!!

Last semester, there were many power outages on campus, and while the students’ biggest concern was the lack of wifi, I have decided to speak out and urge my fellow students to consider the squirrels!

How many squirrels will die each year due to a naive nibble on an electrical wire?! 

It may cause a temporary campus blackout, but for the squirrel, the blackout is ETERNAL. 

This is obviously a systemic problem, so what can we do, as students, to save the squirrels?

First of all, we urge the administration to enact more STDs (Squirrel & Tree Defenses) which will greatly improve squirrel well-being. 

Secondly, we need to launch a widespread educational initiative, which works to teach squirrels the dangers of electrical wires. This won’t be easy, because there are few people in today’s society who speak both English and Squirrel. This leads me to my third suggestion. 

We need to create an SST unit at a squirrel reserve, where students can study their language and culture. Once GC students understand how squirrels think and live, we can truly create an inclusive campus, to human and squirrel kind alike. 

I found a squirrel reserve in England with 4.5 stars on Tripadvisor, which seems like a good option. (If you are reading this Jan, I would love to chat more on the subject.)

Although the Squirrel Safety Situation is daunting, and may require a lot of us to change our lifestyles, I think that if we unify and work together we will succeed! If you have any additional ideas, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Avatar
Avatar
Written by Greta Klassen, Funnies Editor

No comments yet.

No one have left a comment for this post yet!

<