We have finally made it to our senior year. Ammon is graduating in December, and I’m graduating in May (at least that’s the plan). The dwindling numbers in the BRP department have not deterred our desire to share with all of you the ins and outs of being a senior in the only real honorable major at GC. We’ve compiled a short list of the happenings of Wyse 3rd, what we’ve learned over the years, and tips for all of those BRP wannabes.
1. Half of you must not believe in God.
2. None of you should be Mennonite.
3. Writing a funnies article about being a BRP major is the closest you will ever get to being employed, because of your Bible major.
4. None of the Wyse 3 profs will claim you as their favorite, and will publicly shame you at Kickoff.
5. Engaging the Bible is your time to show everyone on campus how worthwhile your major is.
6. One of you should get fired from your Ministry Leadership position and the other should get rejected from the Worships Assistants position.
7. You drink a lot (of tea).
8. Two-thirds of your professors will insist that the Gospel of John is entirely made up, the other third will dedicate their life to upholding the sanctity of John. (Jo-Ann would like to take this opportunity to inform everyone that her commentary is available on Amazon and at Better World Books).
9. You will learn that the “Old Testament” is a denigrating title, and will insist upon the title of “Vintage Testament.”
10. Denigrating titles for God will no longer upset you by your third year.
11. You will never actually see the inside of the Science building.
12. You will learn to shun the inter-dis people who just can’t learn to commit.
13. You will eventually (hopefully) get over your parents’ disappointment.
14. By the end of your senior year your list of bad metaphors used in Chapel will number in the hundreds.
15. The iPad reading that you do during Chapel is more theologically stringent and relevant than what is actually going on in Chapel.
16. Even though we will never secure gainful employment, we at least have gained the theological language necessary to describe our moral superiority to the rest of campus.
We regret that this short piece will be our only real opportunity to connect with the rest of campus as we have so much to offer. As we continue our journeys towards what will most certainly be aimless wandering for the rest of our lives, we wish all our peers the best and remind them that we will, indeed, be available to answer all those questions that the heroes of the science building just can’t.