How many of you remember that little column that used to be run in the Record called “Inside/Outside Voices”? And no, I am not talking about those little guys that like to talk to me when no one else is around . . . just a sec. “No Bob, I can’t go to Disneyland with you right now, I really have to meet this deadline.” Sorry about that. Bob, my best friend, was just wondering if I wanted to take a trip with him. For some reason he only comes by when there’s no one in my room but me.
There are a number of reasons for this re-establishment of the old column. For instance:
1.) Last time there was an alien invasion, we were all warned by an astute Inside/Outside Voices contributor.
2.) Who doesn’t love calling in and pretending to be someone from the Brenneman family?
3.) As long as you are civil tongued, you pretty much get in print—unless we have an abundance of callers, in which case you only get in if you talk about grade A funnies material.
4.) It’s ridiculously easy. So easy, in fact, that not only could a caveman do it, but the ancestors of cavemen could do it!
6.) You do not have to base your “facts” on a fact.
7.) When I run out of things to talk about, I will have something to fill my page.
Oh deary me! Here I have gone and jumped the gun! “What is Inside/Outside Voices?” you might ask. Well, it is a chance for anyone and everyone to express their life-long desires via telephone! This may seem like an obvious question to many of you older more experienced Record readers, but we must also cater to the first-years who make up approximately 5/4 of our school this year.
Unfortunately, we have been running into some slight hitches in the technical aspects of this fantastic Record tradition. Our voicemail account has closed, the computer it was running on blew up, and zombies ate the Keebler elf we hired to monitor the language of the recordings. Once all of these problems have been fixed, I will let you (the eagerly waiting public) know the mystical magical phone number to call!
**NOTE TO EDITORS**
I meant to skip 5 in my list.