Top 10 Survival Guide for First Years

10.) Jim Brenneman can do one fingered push-ups while reciting Hebrew Bible passages.

9.) Following the signs and yielding to trains is in your best interests health-wise.

8.) Be nice to the lunch ladies; they serve your food.

7.) The tunnels do exist–seek them; they are calling.

6.) Hugs are an acceptable form of greeting people.

5.) The best place to run in case of a zombie attack is any place with enough room to swing a baseball bat.

4.) The best way to spend munch money is buying Grapefruit Izzes at Java Junction.

3.) Kulkervick does not exist.

2.) If you don’t pull some kind of prank in the first semester, you might be expelled.

1.) Even if they look mean, upperclassmen actually want to be your friends.

Written by Aaron Kaufmann

i am not a funny person, and i don't know why i was asked to be a funnies editor. all of my articles are based on 100% truth, and should be taken in all seriousness.

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