Dr. Fashion: Orchestrate your appearanceAuthor: • Dec 5th, 2012 • Category: funnies
By Brian O’Leary, Contributing Writer
Matthew Amstutz, Perspectives Editor
From the sauciest of unfair trade factories in southeast Asia comes the newest line of designer wear. O’Lamestutz Boutique would like to introduce Dr. Fashion, a blend of Brazilian styles mixed with Goshen College flavor that creates the most bald-faced balance in the fashion scene today.
Based on a family recipe for hemming enjoyed on sunny summer days in a neutral location, the original Dr. Fashion offers a simple sweet look with a hint of mint green.
But Dr. Fashion is more than great fashion taste and good memories. The goal is to create a culture based on living extravagantly and inefficiently, valuing homogenous traditions and undermining relationships. Though this venture started out of sweatshops in third world countries, it continues the culture of capitalist exploitation that extends far beyond Thailand’s walls and that strives to tear families asunder.
No matter the season, Dr. Fashion will keep you in time with both temperature and pop culture.
One of Dr. Fashion’s most popular sets of eveningwear is the Concertgoers Delight. Featuring an option of a tuxedo or a standard suit, it is sure to provide the perfect formal option for a man about town. Complementing Concertgoers Delight is a full range of shirts, ties and vests. [Pictured here is a combination of an electric mint shirt and tie, a subtly striped vest and an Italian cut suit.] (this can be a caption)
Another exciting new set is the Jazz Fusion Blend. Featuring the latest in semi-formal wear, Jazz Fusion brings a hot blend of improvisable shirt, tie and slacks combinations. Featuring a darker look than Concertgoers Delight, this package allows optimal head bobbing and snarky smiles; hat optional.
Finally, Dr. Fashion tops off their winter catalog with The Private Lesson, which completes the Dr. Fashion look with a casual set of weekend wear. Perfect for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, The Private Lesson is great for any day or even one-on-one hangouts. [Pictured here is a tank top and jean cut-off combination complete with devil-may-care hat and attitude.] (this can be a caption)
All Dr. Fashion sets include 15 individual socks of outrageous colors and patterns. None match.
And for all the lovely women out there, O’Lamestutz Boutique has got you covered. Our new line, titled Designer Excellence in Barefeet, is perfect for the demanding life of a modern, independent Mennonite woman. Combining and contrasting black with colorful accents DEB takes on a life of its own and is exclusively available to the female market. Just keep in mind, all DEB products look best barefoot.
Dr. Fashion is currently accepting orders through campus mail which can be addressed to either Kenwood Basement (location of our domestic production center) or Aaron Stiffney. Costs range from a couple doll hairs to 5 million bucks (conveniently labeled “you cannot afford this”).
So remember: when friends ask what you’re sporting, the response should be a simple but direct, “It’s Dr. Fashion.”